Since I was in about middle school I suppose, and my mom could no longer control what I wore as much, I have been more drawn to men's clothing. Being more masculine, and my body dysmorphia really starting to kick in had me wearing clothes to hide myself, and really embrace the more goth industrial style that I still haven't given up.
As a bit more time went on, I found myself more drawn to feeling tailored and put together. By the middle of high school, I was wearing some semblance of a suit almost every day. Still with goth touches, but opting for vests, waistcoats, and blazers. I did what I could to look well put together, but still have a very unique style.
The difficult part of this was that I couldn't shop in the men's sections. With the curves I have, women's clothing rarely fit me properly, let alone the square cuts of masculine clothing.
Then, after having squishy, before I had even gotten down to my pre-pregnancy size, the gnome lost everything I had owned, and my closet of suits along with it. I was forced to change my personal style for what he permitted me to wear, only letting me get the cheapest of clothing as I dropped weight, while he spent hundreds on unnecessary things.
And so my style had to evolve again, to something a bit more feminine, but feeling like me. Looking strong, and unique, and definitely feeling like it belonged.
But in the last year or so, with my head space being where it has been, I've been encouraging myself not to wear what's easy, but what makes me happy. While I may not own a lot of that anymore, it has me feeling drawn yet again to suits, and classic men's fashion.
I feel like overall I've been wanting to embrace my masculinity a lot more. In how it has that tendency to be more unapologetically me. When I can get things cut well, to make me look curvy, strong, and dapper as fuck.
Maybe some things aren't a dumb teenage phase, but things to embrace.
Now I just need to figure out where to find women's vests again. And everything ever in pinstripes.