Lux and I don't usually blatantly express how we feel about each other. We generally just keep a healthy dynamic, include the other in things, and try to make the other feel cared for in our everyday gestures.
I am in general more affectionate than him, and even that isn't terribly much. I often worry if he feels uncomfortable with me being more vocal or open about how I feel than he is. Usually, I remind myself that he should feel cared for, and to use that affection as affirmation of that.
Lux however, very rarely if ever shows blatant affection. It's sometimes a bit unnerving, because I don't know how he feels, even though I know he wouldn't include me in as much of his life as he does if he didn't care for me.
Over those weeks that we had time together though, there were lots of little affirming moments though. Things that he probably didn't realize he did, or how much I appreciated it.
Things like expressing a dislike of him existing without me. Of being protective of me, and his reaction to anyone causing me harm. Of hopping up to take care of me when I wasn't feeling the best, or even when I just needed a moment in the shade.
They were all these little moments where I learned exactly how much he cares, and especially after a year plus of chaos and pain and healing, that was needed.
I saw Lux being more affectionate and caring than he'd ever been when he didn't have a second regular partner. Whether that's him making growth in his own mind since all the breakups we've been together through, or healing after losing his father last year, or simply finally being comfortable with affection again, I'm not sure what's caused it, but I needed it, and I'm grateful for every last one of those moments.
Having this much time together, and being able to look at how things ebb and flow will never become dull, and I want to see what happens next.
I am in general more affectionate than him, and even that isn't terribly much. I often worry if he feels uncomfortable with me being more vocal or open about how I feel than he is. Usually, I remind myself that he should feel cared for, and to use that affection as affirmation of that.
Lux however, very rarely if ever shows blatant affection. It's sometimes a bit unnerving, because I don't know how he feels, even though I know he wouldn't include me in as much of his life as he does if he didn't care for me.
Over those weeks that we had time together though, there were lots of little affirming moments though. Things that he probably didn't realize he did, or how much I appreciated it.
Things like expressing a dislike of him existing without me. Of being protective of me, and his reaction to anyone causing me harm. Of hopping up to take care of me when I wasn't feeling the best, or even when I just needed a moment in the shade.
They were all these little moments where I learned exactly how much he cares, and especially after a year plus of chaos and pain and healing, that was needed.
I saw Lux being more affectionate and caring than he'd ever been when he didn't have a second regular partner. Whether that's him making growth in his own mind since all the breakups we've been together through, or healing after losing his father last year, or simply finally being comfortable with affection again, I'm not sure what's caused it, but I needed it, and I'm grateful for every last one of those moments.
Having this much time together, and being able to look at how things ebb and flow will never become dull, and I want to see what happens next.
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