Right after I got home from my visit with Dansa, Lux asked if we could hang out on voice for an evening, just to hang out. We've been doing that a lot more lately, just so he has more contact with people, and because it's been nice to have that change in communication.
He mentioned, almost as though he expected it to be dismissed, that he had been thinking about more serious role driven play. Not necessarily scenarios, but a less silly, level and casual sort of play than we normally have.
For a long time, I kept really quiet about this exact thing. Lux was processing a lot, and working through a lot of issues regarding these things from past partners, or people pushing for things he wasn't comfortable, and making him feel pressured, left unconsidered, and that he didn't have any control, despite being the domly person. I tried to encourage him to work through these things for him, and not bringing up what I wanted, to keep him from thinking I was just being selfish.
Welp, apparently I did so good a job that he thought I had no interest in it whatsoever.
Because of course.
Mind you, I enjoy our silly play time. It's comfortable, and safe, and fun in it's own way. However, I have wanted more heavy, serious play for a good long time. Where we both let go a bit more of keeping things right on the surface, and enjoy the roles we have.
And he says he worries about himself if he lets go in that mindspace. I've seen him in those states. I've seen him let go, both for short periods of time, and for longer sessions. I'm not afraid of it. I know that he still sees me there, and knows what my limits are, and that if something were to happen, he would come back down to address it.
I'm also curious if this would help a lot with my pain processing. That forced role, and dramatic difference in mind space may help me get back to working through pain the way I want to. The way we both want me to. It'll be interesting to see how that change may effect so much more.
He wants to start from scratch, and right now, we have a good base of trust built, which should make this a positive thing for us. I am happy to finally be getting something I've wanted, because it's now something we both want.
He mentioned, almost as though he expected it to be dismissed, that he had been thinking about more serious role driven play. Not necessarily scenarios, but a less silly, level and casual sort of play than we normally have.
For a long time, I kept really quiet about this exact thing. Lux was processing a lot, and working through a lot of issues regarding these things from past partners, or people pushing for things he wasn't comfortable, and making him feel pressured, left unconsidered, and that he didn't have any control, despite being the domly person. I tried to encourage him to work through these things for him, and not bringing up what I wanted, to keep him from thinking I was just being selfish.
Welp, apparently I did so good a job that he thought I had no interest in it whatsoever.
Because of course.
Mind you, I enjoy our silly play time. It's comfortable, and safe, and fun in it's own way. However, I have wanted more heavy, serious play for a good long time. Where we both let go a bit more of keeping things right on the surface, and enjoy the roles we have.
And he says he worries about himself if he lets go in that mindspace. I've seen him in those states. I've seen him let go, both for short periods of time, and for longer sessions. I'm not afraid of it. I know that he still sees me there, and knows what my limits are, and that if something were to happen, he would come back down to address it.
I'm also curious if this would help a lot with my pain processing. That forced role, and dramatic difference in mind space may help me get back to working through pain the way I want to. The way we both want me to. It'll be interesting to see how that change may effect so much more.
He wants to start from scratch, and right now, we have a good base of trust built, which should make this a positive thing for us. I am happy to finally be getting something I've wanted, because it's now something we both want.
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