Back to this series of thoughts that seems to be coming up a lot recently, I feel like I need to expand on something I just touched on in one of my past posts.
And it's something that honestly makes me feel in the minority of all the people I talk to and my circles of friends. It has a lot of confusion surrounding it, so I'll try to explain it all as best I can.
I am absolutely mono-amorous. And yes, I need to specify it that way.
Why?
Because I'm poly-sexual.
Now, what the fuck does all that mean? Why can't I just say I'm monogamous?
Well, because I'm not.
One of the biggest things Thrax had an issue with was the fact that I simply wasn't poly-amorous. He would argue with me that it was the "natural" state of being, and that all people were, but were too pressed by society to attempt it.
Well, you know, if I was so worried about society, I wouldn't have a mohawk, or genital piercings, or tattoos, or love being beaten, and tearing apart other people. I'm pretty sure I give no fucks about what society thinks of me.
However, he pushed, and pressed, and forced, like his attempts at getting me to fuck a girl.
And he simply wasn't going to change how I'm wired.
So, what I mean by mono-amoury is that I am only capable of having a romantic attachment to one person at a time. Once I catch the feels for one person, that's it, until they either disappear for a long time, or they fuck up hardcore. In some ways, this makes my life easier, and in others, it has made things more difficult.
I am constantly surrounded by people who are dating more than one person at once. Each group has their own dynamic that works for them, and they try to balance it as well as they can. Some see it more as a support structure to make a happy security net of people, and others use it as a way to keep plenty of partners in rotation so none of them ever lose their luster with age. It's an amazing thing when I see it done well, and I'm always impressed by those with the ability to love more than one person, and manage to balance it all.
And then there I am, having to explain to people that just because I enjoy having an open dynamic that gives me the opportunity to hook up with others, I'm just not the kind of person that can have an emotional connection with anyone other than one person at a time. It's a pain in the ass to be constantly telling people, and even more difficult for most of my significant others to understand.
Yes, I can enjoy playing with that person.
Yes, I can enjoy fucking them.
But you know what? Whoever I have the feels for has no worry of it ever being anything more, unless they destroy what they have.
And yes, sometimes this is horrifically inconvenient. Sometimes I get feels for people who I could never date, or people who I would never risk to destroy the friendship we have, and I'm usually pretty good at not letting my feels get in the way of that.
But no matter what, if it actually goes from being simple feels, to being in love, it's an amazing, complete and fantastic feeling to experience and share with someone.
And it's something that honestly makes me feel in the minority of all the people I talk to and my circles of friends. It has a lot of confusion surrounding it, so I'll try to explain it all as best I can.
I am absolutely mono-amorous. And yes, I need to specify it that way.
Why?
Because I'm poly-sexual.
Now, what the fuck does all that mean? Why can't I just say I'm monogamous?
Well, because I'm not.
One of the biggest things Thrax had an issue with was the fact that I simply wasn't poly-amorous. He would argue with me that it was the "natural" state of being, and that all people were, but were too pressed by society to attempt it.
Well, you know, if I was so worried about society, I wouldn't have a mohawk, or genital piercings, or tattoos, or love being beaten, and tearing apart other people. I'm pretty sure I give no fucks about what society thinks of me.
However, he pushed, and pressed, and forced, like his attempts at getting me to fuck a girl.
And he simply wasn't going to change how I'm wired.
So, what I mean by mono-amoury is that I am only capable of having a romantic attachment to one person at a time. Once I catch the feels for one person, that's it, until they either disappear for a long time, or they fuck up hardcore. In some ways, this makes my life easier, and in others, it has made things more difficult.
I am constantly surrounded by people who are dating more than one person at once. Each group has their own dynamic that works for them, and they try to balance it as well as they can. Some see it more as a support structure to make a happy security net of people, and others use it as a way to keep plenty of partners in rotation so none of them ever lose their luster with age. It's an amazing thing when I see it done well, and I'm always impressed by those with the ability to love more than one person, and manage to balance it all.
And then there I am, having to explain to people that just because I enjoy having an open dynamic that gives me the opportunity to hook up with others, I'm just not the kind of person that can have an emotional connection with anyone other than one person at a time. It's a pain in the ass to be constantly telling people, and even more difficult for most of my significant others to understand.
Yes, I can enjoy playing with that person.
Yes, I can enjoy fucking them.
But you know what? Whoever I have the feels for has no worry of it ever being anything more, unless they destroy what they have.
And yes, sometimes this is horrifically inconvenient. Sometimes I get feels for people who I could never date, or people who I would never risk to destroy the friendship we have, and I'm usually pretty good at not letting my feels get in the way of that.
But no matter what, if it actually goes from being simple feels, to being in love, it's an amazing, complete and fantastic feeling to experience and share with someone.
Comments
Post a Comment