I notice a lot of people tend to look for some sort of justification of violence in their dynamic. That they need to look for a reason to engage in any sort of sadomasochistic play that won't make them feel guilty. I do believe the most common excuse for this tends to be the aspect of "funishment".
Telling the bottom they've been bad, or making outlandish rules to be broken, or simply the bottom acting up in order to get beaten.
And dear gods, I absolutely cannot have this in a dynamic.
I don't ever want to be told that I'm bad, or naughty or any of that as a method of dirty talk. I don't want to think of myself that way. I am devious, and definitely mischievous. I will make you think carefully before ordering me to do things, and constantly challenge you, but I will never do anything deemed wrong, against the rules given to me, or to hurt you (you know, in a not sexy way.)
When those words start going out, it instantly takes my mind to a new place. That I've fucked something up, and you don't want me. Telling me I need to be punished for something means that there is some behavior that requires correction, or else the action would not need to take place. It makes everything totally not sexy for me, because I am trying to be receptive of what needs to be fixed.
Yes, this means that when I get hurt for purposes of punishment, it doesn't turn me on. It makes me want to curl up in a ball and hide, despite my high pain tolerance.
That said, a fitting punishment with a thorough explanation of what I did, why it was wrong, and what I should be doing instead, will work wonders for me.
However, if you're looking to hurt me in a sexy way, tell me I've been good. Tell me you're proud of me, that you appreciate me, and that you enjoy me. Tell me you feel the need to thank me for everything I've done, or that you want to see me marked up for something to think of you until we see each other again. I'll be able to take far more, and be full of happy wiggles, a contented look on my face, be extra snuggly and turned on by what we're doing.
Simple words can completely change my brainspace. Whatever mood you want to create, or purpose you have for an interaction, be careful of how you do it with me.
Telling the bottom they've been bad, or making outlandish rules to be broken, or simply the bottom acting up in order to get beaten.
And dear gods, I absolutely cannot have this in a dynamic.
I don't ever want to be told that I'm bad, or naughty or any of that as a method of dirty talk. I don't want to think of myself that way. I am devious, and definitely mischievous. I will make you think carefully before ordering me to do things, and constantly challenge you, but I will never do anything deemed wrong, against the rules given to me, or to hurt you (you know, in a not sexy way.)
When those words start going out, it instantly takes my mind to a new place. That I've fucked something up, and you don't want me. Telling me I need to be punished for something means that there is some behavior that requires correction, or else the action would not need to take place. It makes everything totally not sexy for me, because I am trying to be receptive of what needs to be fixed.
Yes, this means that when I get hurt for purposes of punishment, it doesn't turn me on. It makes me want to curl up in a ball and hide, despite my high pain tolerance.
That said, a fitting punishment with a thorough explanation of what I did, why it was wrong, and what I should be doing instead, will work wonders for me.
However, if you're looking to hurt me in a sexy way, tell me I've been good. Tell me you're proud of me, that you appreciate me, and that you enjoy me. Tell me you feel the need to thank me for everything I've done, or that you want to see me marked up for something to think of you until we see each other again. I'll be able to take far more, and be full of happy wiggles, a contented look on my face, be extra snuggly and turned on by what we're doing.
Simple words can completely change my brainspace. Whatever mood you want to create, or purpose you have for an interaction, be careful of how you do it with me.
I don't believe in funishment either. When Sir beats me, it's because I want/need it and I've been good. If Ive been bad, even if he chooses a physical punishment, its definitely a different feeling, and I wallow in my own misery of disappointing him.
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