A New Devious Chapter

Lux has decided to give me homework, and so after moving posts around, I will be completing my assignment here. This post will be edited throughout the day, to fulfill his domly orders. 9:57 1.  I learn quickly, and the vast majority of skills I have are entirely self taught. 12:00 2.  I have always preferred to experience like rather than hide from it, and as such have never had any interest in drugs, or to drink in order to escape sorrow or pain, which has surprised many people in my life. 14:02 3.  Despite everything I've gone through, I still take the risk of trusting other people. 16:00 4.  Back when I was in school, and actually recognized for my intelligence, I won a collection of academic awards, and was supposed to skip most of grammar school in hopes of being given a challenge. 17:52 5.  No matter what has happened, I've always managed to find myself. 20:01 6.  While the details of my body make me want to curl up in a ball, I have nev...

I've been working out nearly every day for a few months now.  What started as a couple days a week is now every single day, unless I am out somewhere that it isn't an option, or my whole day is just too full, and I'm exhausted by the time I have a chance.  I only miss about one day every other week or so. There have been definite, noticeable changes in my body because of it.  While I haven't lost weight, I'm seeing myself become more toned, especially in my arms and legs.  You can feel my abs under my tummy again (I will probably never have a visible six pack, due to the extra skin from pregnancy), and muscle is building in my chest, with the bit of fat I had around my ribs slowly going away. I'm also building more flexibility, as I'm now able to tuck my feet behind my head the vast majority of the time, and it no longer hurts to bend forward and touch my toes (I'm a backbender, not a frontbender). With this new building of strength and balance, I...

When it comes to normal play, especially of a nonsexual sort, I lean incredibly heavily toward the top side of things.  I want to be the one to illicit the screams of another, and have fun tearing someone up. When it comes to sex though, at the very least in my past, I've fallen into more of the role of a bottom with partners, and it's something I questioned for a long time.  I've found that I'm much more of a sadomasochist when it comes to sex.  I equate force with desire, and direct physical force most specifically.  It's definitely where my primal orientation kicks in.  When I've been with submissive men, and we're fooling around, they'll ask me what I want them to do, and it's seriously the biggest turn off ever.  I'll take control and speak up if I want something specific, but otherwise, I just want to work on instinct.  If someone feels the need to ask what to do, or feels like they need to be gentle, it reads to me that they don't wa...

I'm going completely off the beaten path for one entry, but whatever.  Deal with it. So, my father is incredibly picky when it comes to food.  Not only in the sense that he eats an incredibly limited selection of foods, but he only likes the foods he does eat a certain way.  He abhors change in all things, and this becomes a huge issue when it comes to recipes from his family. There is one cake recipe I have from his grandmother, which was his favorite thing ever.  I made it for Lux for his birthday last year, with a from scratch mocha frosting that we loved.  The old man bitched the entire time about it having a frosting, and how the fact that it didn't have a glaze meant that I had fucked it up. I made another one for the hell of it shortly after, to use up some excess ingredients in the fridge.  I went to make a glaze, and my mother walked in and decided to take over.  After making a ton of bad decisions, and me explaining to her why everything s...

So, as of writing this, I am at Lux's place. The gnome said he was going to take the beast for most of her spring break, and so Lux wanted to capture me for a couple days, to get me away from my family, and so we could get in much needed snuggles and sexytime. And, despite him repeatedly saying I don't have to, I've spent the morning cleaning up the place.  He'd just try to get cleaning done while I'm here, before he heads south to spend time with his parents, and that time could better be spent sucking his cock.  So, I will clean now, to enjoy myself more later. Also, he tries to balance a lot, and so I enjoy doing what I can to make his life a bit more peaceful.  We're both so busy during the next month or so, that he needs it, and the extra snuggles that we'll have time for then is something I need.  And, when I'm not cleaning I can play with chainmaille instead of doing the crochet project I should be doing. Hooray!

I'm fairly certain that I've mentioned before that I thought I was asexual through my teens.  What was my sex drive, I assumed was just a normal feeling, and a craving more for adrenaline than sex.  I dated more as a change of scenery than anything, and had no real attraction to them. Everyone I fooled around with when I was younger was what I now know fits into my (admittedly broad spectrum of) physical "type".  They were just my friends though, so I didn't think anything of it.  However, my dating history didn't reflect that. Sure, my first boyfriend fit the bill, but he had no self confidence, and was incredibly insecure, and so it destroyed his only real chance.  I barely wanted to put my hands on him, and he was so sexually closed minded that it was a good thing we only lasted six months.  The next few people I dated were tall, but skinny, and again I had no real attraction.  It's a good thing they lasted even less time. I was still in high sc...

Lux and I go on a lot of adventures together.  Generally, with the exception of one thing last year, all our adventures have included the other.  Usually, we have a sort of system.  He takes care of big arrangements, and I handle all the little details.  It winds up creating a fairly even experience, we know everything is taken care of, and it means that when we get where we're going, we can just relax and enjoy.  This happens to work particularly well when it comes to faires, and camping.  I have most of the gear and, and get the food ready, and he just makes sure we get registered, and gets us there.  Well, this year we have one small weekend camping trip next month, and then in August, right after our birthdays, we'll be heading to Pennsic for my first time there, and spending a full week.  Lux decided to ignore my tent, and is getting us a massive pavilion, which I have been told I just need to make into a beautiful and functional camp spac...

I think one of the first things people ask, or assume when they find out I do the kink thing is if I'm into bondage.  And, it's kind of hard to explain to people. Sure, I'm into it.  There's a lot of fun to it, serves great utility, and can be great for disciplinary purposes. However, it's not something I really crave ever.  I often joke that I'm too impatient for it, and it's more true than people realize.  If I'm gonna get beaten up, slap some cuffs on me to get my hands out of the way, or just skip it and start beating me up.  Instead of some elaborate tie to keep me on the bed while fucking, I'd rather be pinned down so hard my arms bruise. And, honestly, I find it distracting.  I move around a lot.  I'm very wriggly, and snuggle in while being beaten. I grab my partner a lot during sex, and want to grope all over them.  While being beaten, if I can move to react, I can take more.  Having to fight restraints and limit my movement means...

This last week was really hard on me.  I've had a lot digging at me, and not much actually helping me relax, or reset at all. It has me wanting power exchange as a more regular appearance in my day.  Whether to be service, or little reminders of dynamics that make me feel wanted.  I don't know why, but when I have my family trying to control me, and actively treating me like shit, I crave having someone that I can just relax and serve and take care of, and just have tiny little reminders that I am wanted, and appreciated, and owned, and not the piece of shit that they tell me I am.  It lets me completely reset, and actually have positivity to lift me up more. And it doesn't even need to be anything huge.  I'm not a fan of micromanagement and insane dehumanizing levels of control.  Just little expressions and acts will do way more for me, and make me feel incredible amounts better. Feeling like I'm wanted, and having positivity in my life is so different...

This last week was really hard on me.  I've had a lot digging at me, and not much actually helping me relax, or reset at all. It has me wanting power exchange as a more regular appearance in my day.  Whether to be service, or little reminders of dynamics that make me feel wanted.  I don't know why, but when I have my family trying to control me, and actively treating me like shit, I crave having someone that I can just relax and serve and take care of, and just have tiny little reminders that I am wanted, and appreciated, and owned, and not the piece of shit that they tell me I am.  It lets me completely reset, and actually have positivity to lift me up more. And it doesn't even need to be anything huge.  I'm not a fan of micromanagement and insane dehumanizing levels of control.  Just little expressions and acts will do way more for me, and make me feel incredible amounts better. Feeling like I'm wanted, and having positivity in my life is so different...