Off the Beaten Path

Recently, I had to go to a wedding with my parents, for a friend of the family.  Overall, I found the evening incredibly boring, and a big pile of awkward because I knew no one, but during the cocktail hour, while sitting outside, I did wind up having an interesting conversation.

I was on the end of a large couch, my parents next to me, and some friends of the bride on the other side of the coffee table, in stolen chairs from a dining room inside.  They started fawning over the venue, and the dress, and all the details, talking about how they envision their wedding.  Then they asked me what I would like when I get married.

Me: I have no real desire to get married.  I don't really romanticise it, and find weddings to be a superficial attempt at bluffing status.

Them: But, you mom told me at the rehearsal last night that you were dating someone, but he couldn't make it for the wedding?

Me: I'm not dating anyone.  And the person she is referencing lives four hours away, and can very rarely take time off work, so I didn't even bother asking, because I didn't want him to deal with the awkwardness of being put in a room with two hundred strangers.

Them: So, you're not dating?

Me: Nope.  I care about him absolutely, and he means the world to me, but we don't attach the titles of a conventional relationship to avoid the societal expectations the general public puts on them.

Them: But it's a guy.

Me:  Yes, I can in fact have friends regardless of gender.

Them: But don't you want to marry him someday?

Me: Like I said, I don't romanticise marriage, but see it more as a legal tool.  I hope he stays a very important part of my life for as long as possible, but I feel no need to add a title.  Now, tell me, how do you define a successful relationship?

Them:  Well, you get married, and have kids and don't get divorced.

Me: So, happiness has nothing to do with it?  You can get married, be pressured into kids, and hate your spouse, but since you didn't get a divorce, it's successful?  I'd rather find someone who makes me happy, and that I can make happy without feeling the need to announce that they've had a lapse in sanity and decided to legally bind themself to me, but rather just stay there of their own free will.

(At this point my mother comments on how she forgets how badly I deal with having to converse with the general public, and the girls are dumbfounded)

Them: But I want a ring, and a dress, and the special day.

Me: Which are all empty status symbols.  And given the divorce rate, a useless expression of ill thought emotion that quickly becomes empty, and leaves a couple in debt, for the couple to remember long after their separation.  But these are my own sociopathic observations, and I tend to look at all things with nothing more than a cold logic, admittedly.

Them: I can't even follow you anymore.

Me:  Society tells you that getting married is a rite of passage, and that you're not worth less as time goes on without a ring on your finger, despite your own passions, successes, and happiness.

Them: That... makes a lot of sense.  My family often pushes me to get married, but has no other interest in the rest of my life.

Me: And that's exactly what I mean.  Especially women, are expected to become wives, and nothing past that is necessary.  And it's bullshit.  Do what makes you happy, without society dictating it.

And then we were shooed off to the dining room for a shitty dinner.  But at least I started to wake up someone to the pressures of society and gender.