A New Devious Chapter

Tomorrow, I get the final things collected, and Lux comes down for us to go on the longest adventure we've ever gone on together.  We're going to Pennsic! It'll be my first time, and I've done a lot to get us both ready for it. I've sewn half a week's worth of period clothing for myself (the other half of the week will be in dance gear).  I've gone through all the camping stuff we have to try and make sure we have what we need.  I've made furniture, fixed other pieces, and tried to do as much as I can to make sure we have a comfortable time, in a large pavillion, for a full week. I've also tried to do as much as I can to have all the food we'll need prepped and pre-frozen, able to keep itself cold in the cooler for us, so we have the option to eat without pants.  Last year, Lux said he ate out for almost every meal.  I'd rather not have to do that, for several reasons.  It's way cheaper for me to cook, the food is probably better, and...

I've got a talent for sarcasm.  If you talk to me with any regularity, you might notice that I have my own jokes, as well as pride in my own original wit.  When people rely on puns, or referencing/ stealing lines from media to be funny, it bothers me after a rather short amount of time.  And, along with that wit, comes the sort of personality that makes me want to crack more jokes and silliness the more I get to know people.  See, with new folks, or those I don't take too kindly to, I tend to be really quiet.  I'm not sure what sorts of jokes I can make, and have no desire to really converse with them until I either feel them out, or am forced to deal with them. So, one of the best ways for me to tell someone how I feel about them is to poke fun.  Almost like the middle schoolers who poked and prodded because they didn't know how to express how they felt.  I know when to reel it in, but most especially when in private, during those calm times, I will...

So, while my last entry may have happened on Lux's birthday, today is mine! Although to be honest, I tend to try not to acknowledge it.  Due to the amount of toxicity in my life, it's either been ignored, used against me, or just made into something that everyone involved should have known that I would hate.  I often say that my birthday is cursed, due to the sheer rarity of me even having a remotely decent day, no matter what the plans are. In fact, one of the only times I can remember having a really happy birthday was my 17th, which I spent with Kitty and his ex, and we just hung out, and bbqed in their back yard. It doesn't take a lot to make me happy.  More often than not, I don't want gifts, and if I do, it's something simple that I need.  Last year I asked for new sheets (which I like the super cheap t-shirt jersey cotton sheets).  However, this year I've told everyone that I'm putting off my birthday for a week.  Why?  Because one week from...

Today, is Lux's birthday.  He's turning thirty, cause he's an old man.  I intend to make as many jokes as possible over hitting a new decade in his life, and making him feel old. However, this makes me think about how interesting, and odd it is that we became friends when we did.  I had just broken up with Thrax, and ended a social media hiatus.  I commented on a couple small things on Fet, to which he sent me a message, saying how we had so many mutual friends.  Despite the fact that I was still trickling social things back into my life, I responded, with normal conversation, to which we talked a bit back and forth.  I personally saw nothing coming from it, and figured he was just another fetdom perving about. We wound up going to a fair that we had plans to hit up, and talked for a bit there.  I found his glasses in the middle of the road, and just minor hanging out.  From there we found numbers, and facebook accounts, and continued talking, ...

There was a few things Lux and I talked about while he was here last.  One was a more personal thing, pertaining to the people in our lives, which lead to discussing how Lux is as a domlyperson.  I jokingly called him a lazy dom.  He agreed, and felt bad, but I made it a point to say he wasn't really, but rather one who simply wants basic obedience and respect.  He mentioned how he likes that I have so many self imposed rules, out of respect for him, because it means that he knows I'll constantly consider them, and follow it, without it having to become a formal order. We discussed how if he were to give me rules, I'd only have three.  To let him be in charge (most of the time), to take care of myself as well as him, and to be openly, and consistently honest at all times. Nothing insane. But the basic building blocks of healthy power exchange and relationships.  The other rules we create, either that I create for myself, or that he gives to me, are ones ...

I've recently been seeing a lot of things that include, or describe demisexuality.  I have a few friends who identify that way, but that they are the type that need to be in a solid romantic relationship before they consider sex.  This is the way I had figured it worked, so I dismissed it, blaming my sociopathy for my disinterest in most people.  I was very capable of a sort of casual sex, between friends, that needed no romantic stimulus to create that desire. Then, I continued to think past that.  Sure, I absolutely consider myself hypersexual.  I want sex all the time, and am damn near insatiable, whether with one of my partners, or in the middle of a dry spell.  However, I never look at the option of finding partners.  I could have someone standing in front of me that is my absolute ideal physical type and preferred personality, and if I ask myself if I want to fuck them, the answer will generally be a loud and resounding no.  However, give m...

While I was so fortunate as to have an empty house, Lux decided to come down and spend the weekend with me.  I had leveled out from having less exposure to my toxic family, and was now at the point where I needed extra stimulus in a positive manner to help me reset. And it worked.  In spades.  Even if I didn't want Lux to leave as early Sunday morning as he did, I enjoyed having him around so immensely.  We got caught up on the normal goings on, discussed a bit what is going on with folks lately, and all of the Pennsic prep we needed to chat over. We also had a ton of sex, and despite intentions of beating me, we legitimately were unable to find the time for it.  We did however, get to relax on the porch a lot while he got work done, and on Saturday evening Zero came over with games, and we giggled at them until near midnight, listening to the fireworks on all sides of the house. We also talked a lot about why we haven't been as violent lately.  About th...

I have trouble asking for things.  Between being so service oriented, and my own past/family, I hate asking for anything, or even acknowledging that I have to ask for something.  I don't want to turn this into a sad recollection of abuse though. Every so often, to try and get myself more able to request things, I will ask for small tasks, to get things done more quickly, or just to provide some small comfort or aid.  Even those I have to talk myself in to though.  It's a project, and I'd almost rather just ignore it, or do it myself. I recently told Lux I needed more time with him, and asked if we could either have more chance to talk, or see each other when we're not about to go to sleep, or forcing ourselves to keep from doing something else.  Something that I understand is a basic thing in any relationship, and there are far worse issues to occur, but feeling the need to ask this, had me near tears.  I hate the idea of feeling like I need to ask for th...

Fusion occurred recently, and a good number of my friends, including Kitty, attended.  The event does spark my interest honestly.  Camping, spending time with friends, getting to play with fire, and having the chance to play with people I am very close to are all things that will get my attention.  I've thought about attending a few times. However, there's a part of me that never enjoyed public play.  There's too many reasons for me not to.  When people look at me, they generally tag me as submissive, and well, that's right some of the time, but definitely not always.  People that don't know me don't expect me to be a sadist, and act like I'm a service top.  No, I really just want to tear people apart, and I'll rip them to shreds too, just for being an ass. The biggest downside for me though, is that my pain tolerance is actually so high that I've had DMs tell me they don't trust a scene with my as a bottom to be safe.  I can take so much force...