A New Devious Chapter

A couple weeks ago, I was having a conversation with my mother.  About how I tend to not really wear perfumes, because Lux has no sense of smell, and I don't really care for them.  That I don't make any decisions on my appearance for how other people feel about them, but for me. My mother scoffed at it, and responded as though that made me an asshole.   Mind you, I very rarely look like a shlub.  I'm always clean, and groomed, and like to keep up with myself, as well as wear clean clothing. But I wouldn't make anywhere near the decisions about my appearance that I do if I was so worried about other people.  I wouldn't dress anywhere near the same, because as is, I am constantly stared at, put down, and treated like I'm a freak.  I would just be trying to fit in to fashion, and have no sense of self expression, too afraid to do something outside of what society deems as appropriate. I wouldn't have my tattoos, or piercings, or wear the jewelry...

A few weeks ago, I mentioned that Lux commented that he had no way to really threaten me, or assert dominance over me.  That is was nice in a way, that he knew all submission was purely because he had been a safe and supportive enough domly dom to earn it, but sometimes he wants reinforce that he's in charge. Just, keep that post in mind.  It'll come back, I promise. Last weekend Lux came to visit for both our birthdays, and to drop off fabric for me to make him some things, and see his parents before Pennsic.  Oh, and show off his new swanky truck. We went to dinner, and an arcade afterward where we were super silly, then got ice cream.  Afterward, we came back to the house, and snuggled up for a while. Then he snuggled half his weight on me, and I went to grope on his arms.  Which, for those of you who don't know, are giant, and with him working out lately, have gotten very defined, and super pretty.  I often nom on them, sometimes to show affecti...

While Pyre, Panda, and I were talking last weekend, Pyre brought up that a guy had given her a foot rub at Fusion last year because he feet were so fried.  At Summerfest, he expressed desire to submit to her, and all that jazz. And her reaction was that she doesn't really like to top or dominate guys.  Panda agreed that even though she's primarily a bottom and a submissive herself, she felt the same. I didn't agree, saying that the vast majority of the time, I lean toward topping or being the domly person in a play situation. Sometimes, I feel like that view on things is kind of a cop out.  It sort of just runs on physical appearance and standard gender ideas when switches choose what side they'll take just by the gender of the other person. It means Pyre will never really fight back with Kitty (even though she is a brat to him, as we all are and should be) or feel like she wants power over him just because he's a boy.  That's so weird.  It's just so...

So, Pyre and her wife crashed over this weekend before going on their mini tour.  Kitty was of course super happy that we were hanging out, and I was helping the people he cares about.  At the same time, he was a little worried. See, I might not be considered the best influence for the behavior of others.  I never endanger people, or pressure them into things that would be seen as harmful, or damaging.  I however, put bugs in their heads to say things that might not be the most appropriate, or would be more entertaining to everyone.  This has a tendency to get Pyre in trouble with Kitty, which I am remarkably ok with. He also apparently barely talks about everything that's happened to him before moving to DC.  He only mentioned me before I really actively came back into his life seriously, and so there is a massive chunk of his life that he either doesn't remember, or doesn't mention. And then along comes a good partner like me, who fills in some of t...

I've been trying to do more to take care of myself lately, especially in order to be in better shape for Pennsic, but also just to feel better over all. I've decided to do a slow, but complete detox off of caffeine.  I started drinking coffee, and any caffeinated beverage for that matter, only due to the taste, and now having to consume some in the morning because otherwise I will get a horrible headache is no fun.  I want to be able to make that choice, not for it to be mandatory.  So right now I'm limiting myself to one cup a day, and still not drinking any soda, and very reluctantly not diving into my jar of chocolate espresso beans.  I'm finding that the mornings are a little easier for me, and I'm taking less time to feel awake. Even with the vast amount of birthdays and things going on this month, I'm trying to watch how much, and what I eat more closely.  That's not very easy here, where my parents basically live on meat and carbs, and I'm con...

When Thrax was trying to convince me that we needed to date Bit, I constantly told him that I didn't want it to happen.  I told him that if he was going to bring in another partner, it had to be someone I approved of, because with how often we spent time together, and that he wanted her to live there, it would be like me dating her too.  He swore that I wouldn't be dating her, but then also said that "our" relationship needed a girlfriend in the same breath, hoping that would make him look less like a selfish asshat. Well, y'know, I didn't want someone who lied, stole, did drugs, had a bunch of unprotective sex already with STDs, and was generally disrespectful in our dynamic.  Oh damn, look at me being the bad guy. Now, while I don't really care if my partners become super besties, it is significantly easier for me if they get along.  I'm really lucky that Lux and Kitty approve of each other, and hit it off pretty well. And, Kitty feels the same...

To be honest, I have no idea what to write about lately.  There isn't much really inspiring me to write, so, a normal update and rambles until I find something more interesting. I've been getting things ready for Pennsic while the beastie is gone so I don't have her up my butt.  She's also been away for a while, and it makes me miss tackling the little beast.  I've been trying to utilize the time though, which is helping me get through all the quiet. Spending this much time without people I care about around really digs at me though.  It is in general not good for me, and hasn't had a good effect on me at all, especially because cute boys are still completely busy during the day. My friend and I went to do something new lately, and I think I might give it to Lux for his birthday.  It's kind of lame, and really random for a gift, but it's the first thing I've made in the medium, which makes it a bit cooler.  I'll have to see once I look at t...

One day last week was apparently straight pride day.  Of course, for a lot of reasons, there was flak on social media over it.  And, while yes, there are problems with putting that on the same level as other pride celebrations, or putting down other orientations in order to celebrate something, I personally, do get to have pride in my heterosexuality. I have pride because I've had people say to my face that they would never consider dating me not because of who I am, but because I am straight, and they would only date someone bisexual, because they "need threesomes, and would want the other person to enjoy it".  Where he literally didn't know how to have a significant other her couldn't fetishize by their sexuality. I have pride because for two years, I was told to lie about my heterosexuality.  That being straight was a "construct of society being forced on me" and that I "had to like girls, because they were hot." That even though I ...

I've had a lot of conversations about gender lately.  With people who are nonbinary, are in relationships with nonbinary folks, and how others feel about nonbinary folks. And ofcourse, it has me thinking. If I was hardpressed, I'm probably somewhere on the scale of being Agender.  And while this is likely surprising to people because I don't talk about it, it likely makes sense to them. I have no real problem saying that I am genetically female.  I've got female sex characteristics, and that's cool.  She/Her pronouns are fine, and have never bothered me.  They fit my appearance, which is no problem. However, calling myself a "girl" or a "woman" never really feels like it fits.  Feminine titles seem wrong in a way, and in fact, I've had conversations with people that masculine ones feel more suited to me. I don't really feel like a boy either though. And their isn't any fluctuation.  I'm just always statically me.  No g...