One day last week was particularly draining for me, though it had a lot of good come from it.
Lux and I wound up talking through a bunch of stuff, and at the same time, I was feeling very frustrated with Kitty. Over the summer, there were countless times when we'd planned to talk, and I'd sat waiting to hear from him, or even though I would send him regular messages trying to keep up communication, I had only got a small scattering of responses, usually with no actual information about his goings on.
It had me feeling such a mix of bad things. I felt ignored, and like he was taking advantage of how loyal he knows I am. I felt like he was just leaving me aside as he tried to balance his other partners, that I could simply be dropped while he tended to them. It felt like even after I spoke up from my visit, I was just hearing less and less from him. Like he was leaving again, but more slowly this time.
I had planned to bring it up to him after camp. He had enough on his plate with travel and such, so I was going to wait another week.
Except I didn't. It was bothering me for a while already, and I didn't want to wait any longer. So I sent him a long message explaining it as clearly as I could, while still letting him know that I'm still very much there. A few hours later he finally read it, and began a long apology.
Mind you, I had already spent a couple hours talking to Lux because I had written something in a way that was interpreted differently than my intention, and we spent a while talking things out to smooth it all out again, and that left me wanting to snuggle him up, and feeling drained that he was so far away.
And then Kitty started. Telling me I was right to feel ignored, and that he wasn't pulling his side. That he was being a bad partner, and that he still cared, and how he wants to find the time for me, and create more balance.
That too made me want to just walk up and hug him. To tell him how important he is to me, and that I know he cares, and that's why I keep giving him the kicks in the ass about it. It made me mentally spent to have these conversations, even if they ended well, to not be able to hug them, and see that they were ok.
And Kitty continued to apologize and keep contact throughout the week. Even through camp he sent messages once in a while. Telling me he was still processing things. I think this one hit hard after he had a partner dump him over the same issue. He drove home how important I am to him, and that he needs to do a better job showing his love for me.
Even positive relationships that have gone on for a long time need attention sometimes. And sometimes it causes panic, but so long as something is done, there is a path to improve into something even better.
Lux and I wound up talking through a bunch of stuff, and at the same time, I was feeling very frustrated with Kitty. Over the summer, there were countless times when we'd planned to talk, and I'd sat waiting to hear from him, or even though I would send him regular messages trying to keep up communication, I had only got a small scattering of responses, usually with no actual information about his goings on.
It had me feeling such a mix of bad things. I felt ignored, and like he was taking advantage of how loyal he knows I am. I felt like he was just leaving me aside as he tried to balance his other partners, that I could simply be dropped while he tended to them. It felt like even after I spoke up from my visit, I was just hearing less and less from him. Like he was leaving again, but more slowly this time.
I had planned to bring it up to him after camp. He had enough on his plate with travel and such, so I was going to wait another week.
Except I didn't. It was bothering me for a while already, and I didn't want to wait any longer. So I sent him a long message explaining it as clearly as I could, while still letting him know that I'm still very much there. A few hours later he finally read it, and began a long apology.
Mind you, I had already spent a couple hours talking to Lux because I had written something in a way that was interpreted differently than my intention, and we spent a while talking things out to smooth it all out again, and that left me wanting to snuggle him up, and feeling drained that he was so far away.
And then Kitty started. Telling me I was right to feel ignored, and that he wasn't pulling his side. That he was being a bad partner, and that he still cared, and how he wants to find the time for me, and create more balance.
That too made me want to just walk up and hug him. To tell him how important he is to me, and that I know he cares, and that's why I keep giving him the kicks in the ass about it. It made me mentally spent to have these conversations, even if they ended well, to not be able to hug them, and see that they were ok.
And Kitty continued to apologize and keep contact throughout the week. Even through camp he sent messages once in a while. Telling me he was still processing things. I think this one hit hard after he had a partner dump him over the same issue. He drove home how important I am to him, and that he needs to do a better job showing his love for me.
Even positive relationships that have gone on for a long time need attention sometimes. And sometimes it causes panic, but so long as something is done, there is a path to improve into something even better.
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