I had a really interesting moment while at Pennsic, and walking away from it, I felt really happy, and proud of myself.
One day, in between classes I had a couple free hours. Instead of walking back to camp and getting comfy only to have to go back, I decided to use that time to look around the vendors for a new mug, as mine was old and dead. While walking by, I was stopped by an artist whom I had met a Flea. He called me over, trying to pull schpeel about his product, of which I was fairly uninterested. I tried to make conversation at a casual level, but he kept pushing product down my throat, which is probably the worst way to get me to buy something. Even when I tried to talk art with him, stating that I'd put together a coloring book earlier this year, and loved doing anatomy drawings, he just tried to say that I needed some of his drawings.
Alright, so this guy didn't even see people as people, but only a wallet. Got it.
And at one point, he says "You know, I could draw you, in the outfit you're in right now, with six pack abs, dancing beautifully. Or without the outfit, and just the jewelry."
I turned him down, needless to say. I don't think that he realized that I was in clothing just to be gross dancing in during classes, so I had no desire to record myself dressed that way. And of course, he was just trying to create his own fap material out of it.
And then, it bothered me. Why did he have to change my stomach? The one thing that I literally will never be able to change without surgery, because I will always have the extra skin and stretch marks from pregnancy. Even though my abs are strong, and feel firm, you can't see it due to the extra skin. It bothers me almost every day, and makes me want to curl up and hide.
But then, I thought a bit more about it as I looked at his drawings. They weren't realistic. They were all these cartoony hyper ideal shapes. He probably had no idea how to draw my actual shape. And, if he were to change it, and move it into his style, he's no longer drawing me. He's drawing another cookie cutter set of tits for people to drool on, and awe at who don't know better. He offered that because he didn't want to grow himself as an artist, but stick to the same thing he's drawn time and again.
And so, I felt myself happy with who I am. Someone that published artists don't feel comfortable drawing, someone unrecordable due who I am. And someone who understands more about art and drawing than he ever will.
These little moments. These are where we grow.
One day, in between classes I had a couple free hours. Instead of walking back to camp and getting comfy only to have to go back, I decided to use that time to look around the vendors for a new mug, as mine was old and dead. While walking by, I was stopped by an artist whom I had met a Flea. He called me over, trying to pull schpeel about his product, of which I was fairly uninterested. I tried to make conversation at a casual level, but he kept pushing product down my throat, which is probably the worst way to get me to buy something. Even when I tried to talk art with him, stating that I'd put together a coloring book earlier this year, and loved doing anatomy drawings, he just tried to say that I needed some of his drawings.
Alright, so this guy didn't even see people as people, but only a wallet. Got it.
And at one point, he says "You know, I could draw you, in the outfit you're in right now, with six pack abs, dancing beautifully. Or without the outfit, and just the jewelry."
I turned him down, needless to say. I don't think that he realized that I was in clothing just to be gross dancing in during classes, so I had no desire to record myself dressed that way. And of course, he was just trying to create his own fap material out of it.
And then, it bothered me. Why did he have to change my stomach? The one thing that I literally will never be able to change without surgery, because I will always have the extra skin and stretch marks from pregnancy. Even though my abs are strong, and feel firm, you can't see it due to the extra skin. It bothers me almost every day, and makes me want to curl up and hide.
But then, I thought a bit more about it as I looked at his drawings. They weren't realistic. They were all these cartoony hyper ideal shapes. He probably had no idea how to draw my actual shape. And, if he were to change it, and move it into his style, he's no longer drawing me. He's drawing another cookie cutter set of tits for people to drool on, and awe at who don't know better. He offered that because he didn't want to grow himself as an artist, but stick to the same thing he's drawn time and again.
And so, I felt myself happy with who I am. Someone that published artists don't feel comfortable drawing, someone unrecordable due who I am. And someone who understands more about art and drawing than he ever will.
These little moments. These are where we grow.
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