Time

I've been trying to have more time talking to both Kitty and Lux.  Regular chats with Kitty have been helping a ton, and have had a very positive impact on my mood.  Lux has been stressed though, and even though we recently saw each other when we went camping, we got very little time to relax together.

And that's what I want.

I want time to just curl up and relax with someone.  Time when we're not running around trying to get stuff done, and I can actually have physical contact and comfort.

It's been a couple months since it's happened at this point, and it's definitely affecting me.  

Things like this cause me to be cranky more easily, and I lose my place in thought, or just feel off.  

While there's possible time I'll be spending with both boys in the next month, I don't know about either of them definitely yet, and it makes me feel worse in a way.  Because at this point, I've more or less learned not to expect the happier option for myself, but simply be disappointed from the start, which is part of why just presence and the smaller things do make me so happy.

Hopefully though, I'll find out soon, and get to plan for time with lots of snuggles and time enjoying important people.