Crisis Vision

Even when I was a teenager, I got calls when shit hit the fan.  Massive things happened, and I was the person who could figure out what to do.  The one who reminded other people to breathe, and stayed calm and handled things.

For some reason, I kept my composure during these massive explosions.  I can keep cool, and direct things, and figure out what to do, and help everyone, or take action myself.

The little things though.  They tear me apart.  I freak, want to curl up in a ball, and hit things, and scream.

And, I think it's because there is so little I can do.  With an abusive household, the little things happen a lot, and it winds up turning into me venting to Lux a lot, even though he doesn't deserve it with everything else going on right now.

Little issues, and small problems with people being assholes get to me way more than they should.

And, I think it's that those little things are so constant.  So consistent, and without me able to just do what's necessary to fix it they all pile up, where the larger more immediate crises are big yes, but get handled, and eventually come to a close.

Maybe, the little things after so long aren't so little, and that's why I have such a shitty time with them.