For the Better

Initially, I had wanted to go see Lux over Squishy's spring break.  It's been an incredibly long time since I've seen him, and it would be worlds easier to navigate how we want things to work going forward if we could talk in person.  

However, that didn't happen.  He was busy with work, and hasn't been the best with communication, and so it just sort of didn't.

And that was incredibly anxiety inducing.  Sitting in limbo with a sensation similar to how I was left in a void with Kitty.  And while I'm very well sure that it isn't the same situation, and won't work out the same, it still had the same taste, and didn't make things any easier.

Upon realizing I wasn't going to make it down to see him though, I tried to make more plans in order to utilize the time that I had.  Even one of those didn't come to fruition, but I did get Rabbit out here for a night away so that he could relax.  

And not only did he need it, but it was definitely a good thing for us both, to have time together just us to reconnect again.  He could vent without judgement, and start to process, and actually make space.  At the same time, I got to help a friend that I had been afraid of losing, and have gotten to feel close to them again, which I missed.

At the same time, the world is starting to act like the pandemic doesn't exist again, and so I learned that mandates were dropped on the trains I would have taken to see Lux.  I am super not ready for that yet, so maybe the world kept me out of that situation on purpose.

I'm sad, and still want to hug Lux again, but at the same time, we're making the best of situations, having close connections, and doing good where we can.