Evolution of Pain

My love of pain and body modification goes pretty far back.  I remember being rather young, and being told that tattoos hurt, and the process, and not caring, and thinking about the ones I would get in the future, and already considering my body canvas.

I remember doing martial arts, and taking extra pain, sitting in submission holds until the time ran out, because I knew I would win anyway.

And yet, there are things I cannot do, or see.

When I get pierced, I cannot watch the needle enter my skin.  I'm not nervous, I just for some reason don't want to see something going through my skin.  Once it is through, I can look down at the needle without issue, and don't jump at the point of piercing.

At a more extreme point, is hook suspension.  Massive sharp pieces of metal, penetrating flesh, then being hooked to chains, and pulling one's body from the earth.

I used to not be able to even look at it.  From flesh hooks to flight, I couldn't see, or panic internally.

Seeing the flesh pulled so far from the body, the size of the hooks, and a person dangling there just squicked me beyond anything.  I had the irrational fear that the hooks would rip the flesh, and the person would fall to the ground, muscles useless, and the unimaginable pain that would follow.

And then time passed, and I got so many of the mods I wanted, and learned how they felt, and got addicted to them.

My pain tolerance heightened further, and I learned how much I can take, and how much more it is than most people.

And I learned what the human body is really capable of.

Then I looked at a suspension.

I wasn't afraid.

There was no panic.

I was intrigued.

I looked at the hooks, and the flesh.  How it pulled, and saw the joy on their face as they flew through the air.

Suddenly, I went from not wanting to look at it, to craving it being done to myself.

Yes, it's a serious thing, but it seems like such an intense experience.  I would be floating along on adrenaline and endorphins long before I'd leave the ground, and then it would just be surreal.  The sharp pain of feeling hooks through flesh, turning warm as I got comfortable with them in my body.  The weight of chains, and then letting myself leave the ground.  It's apparently something so otherworldly and orgasmic, and I can't imagine why I never wanted it to happen.

I don't even know if it ever will.

Who would see it happen to me, and be there to take care of me as I'm taken off the hooks in a complete high?  Who would be able to watch without panicking themselves?  Would I actually be able to follow through?

But oh, how I want it to happen.  To learn what every bit of it feels like, from cold hooks on flesh, to sore muscles from the pulling.

I want to fly.