I recently had a friend who is also an ex-coworker join Fetlife who I will call L0v. She found me after a few days, and I've been giving her a hand about things with it.
Before she found me though, a dom on there apparently found her. I thought it was someone she knew when I friended her. I checked his profile, and it simply said to contact him, was full of dick pics, and every single one of his friends was younger submissive females.
Needless to say, he gave off the creeper vibe.
So, I begin talking with L0v, and she mentions being close to being in a full on D/s relationship, and mentions that it's with this guy. Who she has known less than a week. And she has no real knowledge of the scene.
Cue my over-protective motherly instinct!
I immediately let her know that I felt something was wrong with this, and start informing her that just because she is now a part of the kinky side of the world, it doesn't mean she needs to treat new people differently than she normally would.
Then she tells me he had already started trying power exchange, without knowing a thing about this girl. I flipped, and told her all the things wrong with this.
I began to explain to her the following, which is how I treat people on the internet:
I don't even respond to the vast majority of messages I get on the internet. Unless we either know mutual people, or the person saw me dance at a recent event, or the message sent was very obviously not copy-pasta, and proves that they read my profile and want to get to know me, I don't even consider replying.
From there, I respond in an entirely vanilla, and professional manner, with basic conversation that I would have with any person on the street. I treat them like anyone else I would be first meeting at that time. At the same time, I expect them to do the same. We are building a friendship, and that occurs regardless of kinks and sex.
If they are incapable of doing this, and force things to become sexual, or start talking kink or pushing some power exchange, it immediately takes them off my list of people I will ever play with. This however, doesn't include friendly flirting. Some people are simply shameless flirts, and I understand this, and know it can be done without insisting heavily sexual conversation.
I try to keep contact like that for about a month or so before I'll consider meeting in person. This way I have a feel for a person, what things we have in common, and where our friendship lies. I prefer a first meeting to be in public, or with friends, conversation can then start to get into views on kinks, and seeing how interests mesh.
From there, it depends on the chemistry between myself and the other person. I may decide to start playing with them right away, or want to see if we really do have the potential for the friendship I think we will. Sometimes it then means the other person feels as though we are obligated to start having sex, and it gets rid of all the progress they had previously made. Still others it means that we have potential for friendship, but a physical connection just isn't there.
I play with friends. I fuck friends. I don't make friends easily.
Before she found me though, a dom on there apparently found her. I thought it was someone she knew when I friended her. I checked his profile, and it simply said to contact him, was full of dick pics, and every single one of his friends was younger submissive females.
Needless to say, he gave off the creeper vibe.
So, I begin talking with L0v, and she mentions being close to being in a full on D/s relationship, and mentions that it's with this guy. Who she has known less than a week. And she has no real knowledge of the scene.
Cue my over-protective motherly instinct!
I immediately let her know that I felt something was wrong with this, and start informing her that just because she is now a part of the kinky side of the world, it doesn't mean she needs to treat new people differently than she normally would.
Then she tells me he had already started trying power exchange, without knowing a thing about this girl. I flipped, and told her all the things wrong with this.
I began to explain to her the following, which is how I treat people on the internet:
I don't even respond to the vast majority of messages I get on the internet. Unless we either know mutual people, or the person saw me dance at a recent event, or the message sent was very obviously not copy-pasta, and proves that they read my profile and want to get to know me, I don't even consider replying.
From there, I respond in an entirely vanilla, and professional manner, with basic conversation that I would have with any person on the street. I treat them like anyone else I would be first meeting at that time. At the same time, I expect them to do the same. We are building a friendship, and that occurs regardless of kinks and sex.
If they are incapable of doing this, and force things to become sexual, or start talking kink or pushing some power exchange, it immediately takes them off my list of people I will ever play with. This however, doesn't include friendly flirting. Some people are simply shameless flirts, and I understand this, and know it can be done without insisting heavily sexual conversation.
I try to keep contact like that for about a month or so before I'll consider meeting in person. This way I have a feel for a person, what things we have in common, and where our friendship lies. I prefer a first meeting to be in public, or with friends, conversation can then start to get into views on kinks, and seeing how interests mesh.
From there, it depends on the chemistry between myself and the other person. I may decide to start playing with them right away, or want to see if we really do have the potential for the friendship I think we will. Sometimes it then means the other person feels as though we are obligated to start having sex, and it gets rid of all the progress they had previously made. Still others it means that we have potential for friendship, but a physical connection just isn't there.
I play with friends. I fuck friends. I don't make friends easily.
I'm glad someone is looking out for her! The kink community can be very friendly and awesome, but just like any community, there are assholes out there, and one does have to take precautions!
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