I've always had problems with my body. I have a very odd build, and it caused me to hear nothing but ridicule, and negative things up until I'd had my daughter.
Yes, that's right, I never had a single positive word said about me until I was in my twenties. Instead I was just brought down, and anyone I dated never said a word either way.
In my early teens, I dressed to hide my body. Loose clothing, and usually men's clothes at that hid my figure. I could cover myself up, and it was like a security blanket I wore with me at all times. This however, brought on more comments, and didn't help much in the long run.
Then my hair disappeared, and holes appeared in my ears. I started wearing suits every day. While I was still completely covered, I no longer looked like a boy, and this quieted down the negative words. My boyfriend at the time flipped out with me because I had pierced my ears. No good words about me, just that he hated my piercings. There is a reason he is an ex.
Time went on, more piercings in my ears occurred, I wore larger jewelry, and started dressing in more fishnet and tripp pants. I was dressing to hide my image, and giving people something else to look at. If they would critique the oddity of my image, it would at least be something I could take off at the end of the day. At the same time, this felt comfortable for me. I felt like it fit me better than what I was being told to wear.
Then I started to get tattooed. Between that, my ears, my hair, and the rest of my image, I could no longer go anywhere without being stared at, and hearing comments.
I bring who I am to the surface of my person, and I hear negativity every single day. From my family, to random people, I am put down for the way I look constantly. I only started hearing completely positive words about my image from my friends after losing all the weight after having a child, and they were trying to fuck me.
The people that have honestly told me I was attractive, and weren't trying to fuck me I could probably count on one hand.
People wonder why I have body image issues. It's because any time I start to accept my body, I hear all those voices, and see all the stares. The parents shooing their kids away from me so they wouldn't be within ten feet of me. Being put down because I didn't have big tits, or that I had such noticeable hips. That I choose to have many piercings, or show off my tattoos.
I'd rather have silence than all the negative with as little positive as I hear.
Yes, that's right, I never had a single positive word said about me until I was in my twenties. Instead I was just brought down, and anyone I dated never said a word either way.
In my early teens, I dressed to hide my body. Loose clothing, and usually men's clothes at that hid my figure. I could cover myself up, and it was like a security blanket I wore with me at all times. This however, brought on more comments, and didn't help much in the long run.
Then my hair disappeared, and holes appeared in my ears. I started wearing suits every day. While I was still completely covered, I no longer looked like a boy, and this quieted down the negative words. My boyfriend at the time flipped out with me because I had pierced my ears. No good words about me, just that he hated my piercings. There is a reason he is an ex.
Time went on, more piercings in my ears occurred, I wore larger jewelry, and started dressing in more fishnet and tripp pants. I was dressing to hide my image, and giving people something else to look at. If they would critique the oddity of my image, it would at least be something I could take off at the end of the day. At the same time, this felt comfortable for me. I felt like it fit me better than what I was being told to wear.
Then I started to get tattooed. Between that, my ears, my hair, and the rest of my image, I could no longer go anywhere without being stared at, and hearing comments.
I bring who I am to the surface of my person, and I hear negativity every single day. From my family, to random people, I am put down for the way I look constantly. I only started hearing completely positive words about my image from my friends after losing all the weight after having a child, and they were trying to fuck me.
The people that have honestly told me I was attractive, and weren't trying to fuck me I could probably count on one hand.
People wonder why I have body image issues. It's because any time I start to accept my body, I hear all those voices, and see all the stares. The parents shooing their kids away from me so they wouldn't be within ten feet of me. Being put down because I didn't have big tits, or that I had such noticeable hips. That I choose to have many piercings, or show off my tattoos.
I'd rather have silence than all the negative with as little positive as I hear.
I don't know why people feel that it is acceptable to comment on another person's body, especially in a negative way. We are all human, we have thoughts, but whatever happenned to "if you can't think of something nice to say, don't say anything at all?"
ReplyDeleteI've seen your photos. You are beautiful. People are crazy, and I'm so upset that because of these assholes, you doubt yourself.
I know what it's like though. It's taken me ages to get "this comfortable" in my own skin, and even so, I'm self conscious. It's just that Sir makes me feel so loved and beautiful that over time, I started to believe it too, I guess.