So, I was one of those switches that started thinking I was only a sadist. For the longest time, I just enjoyed hurting people who wanted it, seeing how much they could take, and experimenting on the reactions to different pains at different levels. That was all I needed to be perfectly fulfilled.
Then I had a friend ask if I wanted to try mixing power exchange with it. That he trusted me to be safe holding all the control of a situation.
And well, that was fun too!
All this, and it still wasn't sexual for me though. Keep this in mind.
At this point, I was content in just being the toppy/dommy/sadist side of things.
Until, one day someone fought back. Just for fun, they tore me up as I took them apart.
I realized then, pain was pretty fun on both sides!
One more thing I found I enjoyed. Hooray! This also made me acknowledge that I was in fact a switch in at least one aspect.
That friend that suggested I try being domly? He then asked how I would feel about giving up control. We had played for a good long while at this point, so I felt like I trusted him. He had never given me reason not to.
And you know what? I realized I liked all the things. I was a switch all around, and celebrated how I found something I enjoyed to each side of things.
So I submitted to this person for a while, and found things worked well this way. I didn't feel comfortable handing myself over to anyone else I met, even short term. We had fallen into a good groove though, and slowly but surely, we decided we were happy with this dynamic.
Still not sexual by the way.
Eventually, we were cool being constant and consistent play partners, and he suggested actually putting me through training.
Alright, sounds good. Just follow some basic respectful rules for me.
This is not sexy.
No one plays with us during training.
He agreed, and the first training session happened at his place. I got chained up, hooded, and put on my knees in the corner. He told me he had to grab something, and to stay, and he'd be right back. I stay there, as this is a very normal thing, and he showed enough respect to tell me. As I'm kneeling, I hear the door close when he walks out of the room, and then the front door open and close.
Maybe he was grabbing something from his car.
But I didn't hear it open again.
I'm there for about ten minutes, wondering what is happening. No way him grabbing anything would take this long.
And then I heard it.
There was a girl in the other room, moaning away.
Commence the rage!
So I escaped the chains silently, in a methodical anger reserved only for when I am truly pissed. Chains still wrapped around my wrists, I got dressed, and walked out to the living room.
I looked at the woman, and told her it would be best for her to leave. She listened, seeing how enraged I was, and was out within a minute. As she got dressed, I wrapped the chains around my fists, making note of the fear in his eyes as he scrambled to figure out something to say.
The door closed as she left.
I saw red.
He was left a mess, as I pounded into him as hard as I could in my anger. When I was done, I told him never to speak to me again, collected my things, and called a friend to pick me up. I waited about ten minutes on their front step, and never heard of him from then on.
This is why I rarely submit. From the start, the first person I handed control to took advantage of it, and I've never really worked past it. Sure, I find other people I'm comfortable submitting to, but in the long run, my track record has far more people that have been dicks when I submit than not.
To be honest, I'd love nothing more than to find a dynamic with someone to prove those wrong.
Then I had a friend ask if I wanted to try mixing power exchange with it. That he trusted me to be safe holding all the control of a situation.
And well, that was fun too!
All this, and it still wasn't sexual for me though. Keep this in mind.
At this point, I was content in just being the toppy/dommy/sadist side of things.
Until, one day someone fought back. Just for fun, they tore me up as I took them apart.
I realized then, pain was pretty fun on both sides!
One more thing I found I enjoyed. Hooray! This also made me acknowledge that I was in fact a switch in at least one aspect.
That friend that suggested I try being domly? He then asked how I would feel about giving up control. We had played for a good long while at this point, so I felt like I trusted him. He had never given me reason not to.
And you know what? I realized I liked all the things. I was a switch all around, and celebrated how I found something I enjoyed to each side of things.
So I submitted to this person for a while, and found things worked well this way. I didn't feel comfortable handing myself over to anyone else I met, even short term. We had fallen into a good groove though, and slowly but surely, we decided we were happy with this dynamic.
Still not sexual by the way.
Eventually, we were cool being constant and consistent play partners, and he suggested actually putting me through training.
Alright, sounds good. Just follow some basic respectful rules for me.
This is not sexy.
No one plays with us during training.
He agreed, and the first training session happened at his place. I got chained up, hooded, and put on my knees in the corner. He told me he had to grab something, and to stay, and he'd be right back. I stay there, as this is a very normal thing, and he showed enough respect to tell me. As I'm kneeling, I hear the door close when he walks out of the room, and then the front door open and close.
Maybe he was grabbing something from his car.
But I didn't hear it open again.
I'm there for about ten minutes, wondering what is happening. No way him grabbing anything would take this long.
And then I heard it.
There was a girl in the other room, moaning away.
Commence the rage!
So I escaped the chains silently, in a methodical anger reserved only for when I am truly pissed. Chains still wrapped around my wrists, I got dressed, and walked out to the living room.
I looked at the woman, and told her it would be best for her to leave. She listened, seeing how enraged I was, and was out within a minute. As she got dressed, I wrapped the chains around my fists, making note of the fear in his eyes as he scrambled to figure out something to say.
The door closed as she left.
I saw red.
He was left a mess, as I pounded into him as hard as I could in my anger. When I was done, I told him never to speak to me again, collected my things, and called a friend to pick me up. I waited about ten minutes on their front step, and never heard of him from then on.
This is why I rarely submit. From the start, the first person I handed control to took advantage of it, and I've never really worked past it. Sure, I find other people I'm comfortable submitting to, but in the long run, my track record has far more people that have been dicks when I submit than not.
To be honest, I'd love nothing more than to find a dynamic with someone to prove those wrong.
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