Kitty and I used to have a very interesting dynamic in our unacknowledged relationship. Even though we never discussed it, we had this incredibly strong support structure for us both, and in an odd way, became this weird non-controlling form of d/s. He at the time did a lot to take care of me, and I tried to do as much for him as I could while being an awkward teenager. It really looked like this solid healthy and caring relationship that was very obviously with someone in their teens and early twenties. We'd argue and be at each other's throats over something dumb, and then the next minute, we'd be working like a well oiled machine, acting as the other's hands, and snuggled up as soon as we were done, not needing an apology, but simply moving on from it.
And now, things are different. We've both grown as people, and magically, it's been in a similar enough way that we still just mesh right. Then there's Lux and I as well, who have a still different dynamic, that just works for us.
Both of them I try to support the best I can. Listening, and holding, and helping, and providing whatever I can to help them. Lux and I have this somewhat invisible power exchange, that's become natural and present but very difficult to see. With his stress and mental state due to his life right now, it helps him if I take on a lot of the smaller routine things. Domestic service, reminding him of things, or even making little every day decisions. I run them all by him, so he can say no to anything he's truly uncomfortable with, but usually, he looks, with this feeling of appreciation both for the asking and the act, and agrees.
He however, tends to make the big decisions by himself. He tells me he's doing them, checks in to see if there are issues, because, y'know, not an asshole, but makes those decisions himself. Especially when it involves money, he'll just get things for us both, and never think anything of it. It's almost like this weird taken in hand thing, where I take care of him as much as I can, he makes sure I'm taken care of, and at the end of the day, as much as he considers everything I tell him, he has the final say, and that brings us both a wonderful peace.
Kitty and I however, have both grown a lot since that old dynamic, and now, we provide a mutual caretaker roll, based in support and what works best for us. Kitty likes being able to bark orders, and so, I let him make all those little decisions. I'm more along for the ride, because it makes him happy to be the driver. I very regularly remind him that it's me letting him decide those things just because, and that he shouldn't push it too far. We bring each other solace, and support, without any power being exchanged ever. I show him affection through snark and bratty behavior just as much as snuggles, and it creates this lighthearted support that makes us both happy.
Even with having two sadistic tops, I have such dramatically different situations with them. They're both important, both wonderful, and they both make me happy. And that, I think is one of the most vital things I've learned. Enjoy those differences. Recognize them, learn them, and enjoy every dynamic that occurs as it's own beautiful thing.
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