The Continued Adventures of Not Poly!

Someone was talking to me the other day about how she actually kicked her husband's partner out of the house a while ago.  He has had serious health issues for months now, and is unable to drive for a good while longer.  So, his other partner has to come to the house to see him.  Apparently, she was coming by so often to act as a supportive partner that his wife felt like she was "shoved into a co-wife situation" and his partner was acting like she wanted a "mommy dom".

Now, this person is bad with people.  Like, she pretty much shuns anyone outside of a handful of people away, and is so closed minded in seriously radical ideas that she shoves most of those away as well.  Having not been there, but knowing her, I'd say she just got tired of having someone else female in the house, and threw a fit.

To which, she then told me that she actively wanted to avoid talking to or seeing her metamour, and was only ok with her husband having her around when he could go see her.  Didn't want to have any necessary discussions, but just be absent from the house whenever she would be present.

And, holy hell, can we say unhealthy dynamics as well as not actually poly.

She doesn't want poly.  She wants her husband to find someone to fuck to not have to put out herself. but not let him have any actual emotional connection with them.  But she won't let him just fool around with anyone, just in case she does decide she actually wants her one bit of sex for the year.  That's not poly, that's looking to use someone to fix a problem in your relationship, which isn't going to happen.  It's going to bring out more problems that aren't being addressed, as well as be a toxic influence on whoever decides to act as the other partner.

You can't look for a specific person to fill a hole in a relationship.  Poly is about having people who each have their own whole and complete dynamic.  Even if you have things you do with one partner and not the other (which is something I do find important to having unique and special dynamics) you don't keep one partner just to make up the things the other is lacking in.  That's just treating someone as a device or a scapegoat to go without having to fix something yourself.

I've seen too much broken poly lately, and some of it is just struggling to happen because it's so broken already.  And most of the time it's because the people involved are afraid to acknowledge issues in their main relationship, or are terrified to be alone in order to build healthy stronger ones.