Unexcusable

I recently was talking to some folks, and when talking about exes, I mentioned some of the things that the gnome and Thrax had done.  I said it all casually, just like normal conversation.  After they got over their surprise of how much I'd dealt with through them, they said they were glad that I'd forgiven them for my own peace of mind and healing.

I very quickly corrected them.

I'm not the type to forgive a person for things they've done, and I definitely don't forget.  It doesn't bring me peace, or help me heal or anything like that.  What I can do though, is move on, and realize that they aren't worth my time any longer, or the effort to actively wish them ill.

I'm aware of what they've done though.  Always.  People don't change.  They don't deserve to be treated like everything is bright and shiny for everything they've done.  I will take what they've done as something to learn from, and never stand for anyone doing similar.

They are my example of learning the hard way.  And that is why I can't forget.  I can't forget every time that something happens that legitimately and truly triggers a panic response that can only occur from abuse, and that is unforgivable.

Mind you, once the world catches up to them, I will do my own little happy dance.  I will enjoy them having a big dose of what they deserve, even if I'm not wishing them ill.

They asked how I can be civil with them if I hadn't forgiven them.

I tell them that I can be polite, and interact with people without much issue.  That I could walk down the street making conversation, but if a car came speeding down the road and ran them over, if I could stop them from having any injuries just from calling an ambulance right then, I'd keep walking.  I just know they aren't worth the effort to be the person driving the car.

Remembering what I've dealt with, but knowing they aren't worth my time is what heals me.  Not telling them what they did can be forgiven and excused.