A New Devious Chapter

Unsurprisingly, while Lux was streaming the other day, I was sending fun little things to him and our friends. At one point, in the middle of the raid they were on, while dying a few times, I sent a snarky thing to Lux.  When he found it, he made sure to tell everyone he was playing with, obviously just seeing it as our normal routine of behaviors, and treating it that way. Not having as much knowledge of us together, one of them comments "Is there some way you can punish and correct that behavior?  I'm sure between all of us, we could help bounce ideas and figure something out." Lux is quiet, as everyone giggles over both my comment, and in agreement of the correction. Meanwhile, far away from any microphones, I am laughing so hard my face hurts.  Something they'd probably all see as defiantly bratty, confident in the fact that people don't stop me from being me, and that includes my snarky troublemaking behavior. It was a small moment that act...

Sometimes, Lux streams himself playing video games with his friends.  I get to giggle at silly things, sometimes help, and enjoy seeing and hearing from people. He always tells them, just in case someone pops onto the stream that we don't know, so they can censor any personal stuff.  Usually though, I'm the only one watching, and he tells them.  And in the cloud of folks saying hi, if there is someone new, I will hear a "What's a [Loki]?" And, last time, one of our friends just said "It's complicated" Lux was quick to correct him, but rather than letting Lux get to explaining, or simply asking for a title we use, said that. But, it's really only complicated if you only want to use titles that wouldn't apply.  There are many things that would work at this point and be perfectly acceptable. Long term partner Primary partner Submissive Best Friend All things that would work, but just don't hold stereotypical romantic relations...

In the week of everything blowing up, my mom got a call from her brother for Channukah.  They caught up for a bit, and during that talk, he told her that he'd volunteered our house for a birthday party in April for both him and his twin brother.  Y'know, the physically abusive one, that I'd been promised I would never see again. You'd think given the promises made to me, and wanting to actually protect your own kid, my mom would have told him that my one uncle isn't welcome. You'd think. When I was told this, I brought that up.  My mother's response was simply "Well they decided." So, because they volunteered our house, and us to throw them a party, it doesn't matter that they're abusive apparently. I told her that I would find a way to be absent as soon as I found out the dates. She threw a huff, and said that Squishy was staying so she could see the one decent uncle. Except, I spoke to Squishy, and she repeated ...

I'm not sure if I've mentioned my pseudo nephew here, but know I've mentioned his parents.  His father was my brother's best friend literally since I was born, and his girlfriend has been around for over a decade. Their son, Red, is a couple years younger than Squishy, only being in first grade where she is in third. And, in the just over a year he's been in school, he's assaulted at least four kids.  Not just a small shove either.  The last one he smashed another kid's head into a bench. He's continually attacked Squishy, and destroyed her things, lying to us repeatedly about it afterward when we'd either seen it happen or his reasoning were things we knew couldn't happen. Some of their friends no longer allow their kids near him, because he attacks them so often. And you know what her response is? "Well, he's just a boy.  He's just like his dad.  He isn't violent at all." Are. You. Fucking. Kidding. Me. ...

With everything going on lately, I'm reminded of how careful we all need to be.  That no matter what side of what we're doing, there's a risk with every person we involve. And while there is a little more to worry about as a bottom, since it adds in the physical risk, so many things are shared. Both parties need to be responsive in the moment.  They need to be honest, and receptive, and unafraid to speak up at any point.  Limits need to be respected for everyone, and any aftercare necessary needs to happen, with both parties responsible for it. What's also important though, is honesty and clarity afterward.  I find that many bottoms want to look tough in the moment, and then cry out after.  The problem with this is that you never know which one is the truth. I'm reminded of the time someone accused Lux of beating them beyond their limit and walking away.  An accusation made of an event I was in the room for, which was an absolute lie, to the point w...

This last week has been a whirlwind for people in my life, and it has me worrying about so many. Zero discovered that the girl I expressed to him my dislike was manipulating him, taking his money, and using him to feed her drug addiction. Kitty is stretched beyond his spoons, making excuses, and feeling battered in his own home. I have friends being attacked on all sides, in life changing ways, over what was likely some dumb mistakes being taken far out of proportion. Lux is still dealing with family insanity. And all I want to do is have physical presence for all of them.  Be with them, hold a calm environment, and help however I can.  Talk things out to death, reassure them, provide comfort and support, and remind them all that sometimes they're dumb boys with good intentions that simply want to see the best in people.  They're good boys, but there's too much crazy elsewhere in the world for them to keep their intentions sometimes.

Kitty and I have a very long-standing relationship, even if it's taken many forms throughout the years.  Changing needs, and spoons, and lives and events which have made us become who we are, both separately and together. And, unfortunately, it's caused me to become even more of his voice of reason and calm than I have been for a long time.  Constantly reminding him that he needs to worry about and take care of him.  What's more though, reminding him that he can express things to me, always, and will never be without my care and presence.   He's been rather poor at keeping present lately.  Just not enough time and energy to put toward anything.  It sucks, I'll fully admit, but it happens.  He's aware of it though, and does want that to change.  What's worse though, is that because of this, he doesn't think he deserves any sort of presence during this time.  That he's only kept around because his lack of presence makes them feel li...

Years ago, I was talking to Squishy about friends of mine, and how they married, and both female.  She questioned it for a second, and when I simply said that people can marry whoever they choose to, and for whatever reason, she accepted it without any question. I remember her friends coming over, and not believing her when she would say it.  Saying that it couldn't possibly be true, while my daughter just simply agreed that people should be able to love and marry whoever they choose. Sure, it's a good thing, and speaks volumes for how we often hold the beliefs we are told to have early in life, but that isn't what this is about. This is about something a lot funnier. I'm talking with Squishy the other day, and mentioned a friend of mine, and then that turned into her asking if I had a boyfriend, and then asking if I had a secret boyfriend, and then asking if I had a girlfriend. And upon that, instead of the "No" I gave the other two, I said "Na...

Lux just left from a visit.  The first time he's been here since the clusterfuck that happened a couple months ago.  While it wasn't the weekend we had planned, due to timetables changing, it was still good time for us. Rather than focus on a lot of the goings on, we just kept it to time together, talking about the future, and things we want to do, and normal conversation.  Definitely something that felt more like recharging and simply enjoying, rather than needing to go through the process of catching up or obligation.  Lots of affection and appreciation and just being thankful for the other. He also liked the present I made him, which was super nerdy and only he and his super nerdy friends will get. The next while is going to be really difficult to find time to actually be with each other, and while that does suck a lot, and I already miss him, we'll manage through this like everything else. For now, we just enjoy what we have.