No Currency

Kitty and I have a very long-standing relationship, even if it's taken many forms throughout the years.  Changing needs, and spoons, and lives and events which have made us become who we are, both separately and together.

And, unfortunately, it's caused me to become even more of his voice of reason and calm than I have been for a long time.  Constantly reminding him that he needs to worry about and take care of him.  What's more though, reminding him that he can express things to me, always, and will never be without my care and presence.  

He's been rather poor at keeping present lately.  Just not enough time and energy to put toward anything.  It sucks, I'll fully admit, but it happens.  He's aware of it though, and does want that to change.  What's worse though, is that because of this, he doesn't think he deserves any sort of presence during this time.  That he's only kept around because his lack of presence makes them feel like a better partner.

Y'know, sometimes my type being cute boys with brain bugs is much less fun.

I constantly remind him that the balance in a dynamic is not a constant thing, but over time.  That we don't need to earn presence in a constant exchange of relationship currency, but simply that if things are equal and taken care of over a span of time, that everything is still healthy.  Also that anyone who kept him around just to feel like they have something over him due to a lack of presence isn't the kind of person I want him around.  And, rather obviously, that I definitely do not keep him in the place in my life that he has just to know I'm more present than him.

And, I hope that even for a short time, these reminders give him peace.  I know that these will be something I need to tell him rather consistently, because I already have.

Someday he'll learn.