A Return

 A few weeks ago, my vaccine was cooked, and I finally had the safety to go and see people again.  I didn't know who I would get to see or when, but that option was there.  And when Squishy was with the gnome for a weekend, and we had started making plans for the summer and such, I knew I was going to have a few days available over Memorial day.

Most of the people I would have wanted to see were already busy, or would be getting home in the middle of that weekend, but as soon as I mentioned it to Dansa, she said she only had plans for a few hours one day.  I offered to pup-sit for her, and we had plans.

It didn't kick in until the next day, that after two years, I'd be able to go up to the city and see her again.  That there was an end to this, and that I was making my way back to getting to really live again.  I would get to see people, and hug them, and be safe around my friends.  When that thought really hit, I got a little overwhelmed.  It took me a bit to process that this was happening, and that alone showed why I am being gentle with myself and not feeling ready for camp yet.

The few days leading up to the visit had me incredibly anxious.  I was so nervous about using public transit again, or being in a crowded city, especially with the mask mandates being lifted.  I knew I would be fine once I was in it, but leading up to it was hard.  Luckily, my bus and subway were fairly empty, so only some very small hiccups in travel occured.  

Once I was there though, the weekend was calm.  No massive adventures, and we only had brunch out one time, so I really didn't have much more exposure to groups than I would have on a busier day running errands.

There's still some anxiety even with coming home though.  I know that not only am I vaccinated, but also have antibodies, and yet I'm still wondering if somehow I am carrying something.  I know that's going to stick around for a while, no matter what I'm doing, but it won't get better until I teach myself what is safe again.

All in all, this was a wonderful first step back into finding a new normal.  I look forward to pushing myself over the summer, and seeing more people again.