A New Devious Chapter

 I was sitting in another room one morning in the beginning of the month, having my coffee, and getting myself sorted for the day.  There wasn't anything on in the room I was in, so I could hear everything else going on in the house, and noticed my father mention my mom getting cards for Valentine's Day.  She said she only got a card for him, and didn't get anything for anyone else this year. And then it started.  He was suddenly super concerned over who was going to get me something this year, asking if it would be Lux.  My mother, in the most condescending tone, commented that he's never gotten me anything for Valentine's ever.  My father was surprised, then asked if Puppy would get me anything.  She said that I wasn't dating Puppy, and they started on about how he seems like he's trying. Then it turned into them saying that he's already done more for me than Lux ever has, and started a huge shitfest on saying that I'm being strung along, and just ...

 As one would imagine, and with what I've mentioned, I have a lot that I'm juggling to get prepared, or to get caught up on how I prefer to be.  With all of it, I picked up a new planner, that way I can keep track of everything I want to do each month, and week, while making notes on what gets done every day.  I'm managing to keep up, and even get ahead on things conceptually, but it's still a lot. And unfortunately, because my parents don't see me as people, my mother has piled a handful of additional things onto me.  Little dumb things she's demanding I prioritize, due to her dismissing anything I might actually be doing with my time.  Yet more things to juggle into the mix. As if that wasn't enough, the other day she said she wanted to make bread, and asked me to pull down the bread machine.  I asked her about the yeast we have, because I bought it for her at the beginning of the pandemic.  We still had a ton, because I bought a full pound of yeast,...

 In the midst of everything that I'm juggling (which had more piled onto it) I had a day of a ton of running around recently.  Picking up things for my mother demanding my time, as well as some grocery store stops to get stocked back up on many things.  While out, we decided to get lunch, which had a silly moment where I thought I wouldn't get what I'd ordered, then wound up getting it with extras. On the way from lunch to the next store however, I had something click in my head.  Something that finally made sense after contributing to the anxiety I've been dealing with for the last month.  I don't have feels for Puppy.  I want to keep him around as a friend, but there's more pressure from many angles that I should have feels for him that made me so anxious.  He's not so gently pushing for me to say we have a serious relationship, and other people are waiting for me to say there's something official.  Not to mention that I don't think he's in a s...

 The beginning of this year was tough for me.  I made sure to be fairly ahead on everything coming into the holidays, but only had a small buffer as we rolled into the new year.  That meant having to work with everything I have my hands in to ensure I could keep the space I prefer to.  It lead to me feeling very overwhelmed and anxious about everything I was doing, and everything new that I wanted to take on in the coming year, especially when also juggling the mental aspects of what has been going on. It's difficult sometimes, knowing that once I do get ahead, I will have the time for everything I want to do, including all the projects I intend to take on.  And I know I try to keep a larger buffer for everything than most people, considering I've been trying to have things finished through all of winter by the end of this month.  But getting there when I had used up all my previous work is tough, and I don't want to be constantly trying to keep everything ...