While I'm finally getting back to being productive with a lot of things, and finding my way in juggling everything I do, I'm also taking on even more new things this month. I'm writing for more platforms, sharing some writing amongst different platforms, and at the same time, trying to figure out the logistics of all these things. That means design projects, timeline organization, as well as figuring exactly how much time I have, and will need to do all of these things.
To top that off, I'm trying to do more to take care of myself at the same time again. With so much travel back and forth, I tend to quickly let go of physical care for me, and that isn't the best in the long run. I'm trying to make sure I integrate that into my day as well, and I need to figure out how that can stay a habit even when I travel, because summer means more long stays with Rabbit.
So many new things also means that I need to remember the things that are a little less urgent or fixed timeline-wise. Things like remembering to draw, or move files around, or any of the smaller still important things just don't show up in my thoughts. I know that once I really get the habits built for everything it'll be fine, but in the meantime it's a lot.
I've got a hell of a solid motivation though. If I keep up with things, if I keep busting my ass, I'll start making more, and then I can both save away money, as well as get one step closer to moving in and living with Rabbit. I have a carrot on the end of the stick, and this is a hell of a carrot.
It's been tough mentally with things like that. There's been a lot that I've had to take apart, for a lot of reasons. Discovering the things that I had simply become complacent in, what I really want, and why I want them. Do I want to be with him just because it'll get me away from my parents? Do I want to live with him because that's what he wants, after I was so alright with not cohabitating for so long with Lux? Figuring out what you actually want after having to simply deal with what your only option is, or having to do whatever made someone else happy for so long can tear you apart. You really can't figure out what you even want, because you've had to stuff that down and away for your entire life.
I remind myself that without prompting, my mind said that I wanted to marry Rabbit. I decided to look at rings, because I decided I wanted to ask him. I didn't talk to anyone about it first, and he didn't mention it at all. Even when I was juggling that, I juggled the logistics of moving in with him, because it was something that I also wanted. My parents were never a thought, just getting to continue building a happy life with him.
It's a hell of a climb, and there's a lot of healing to do, but I've gotten so far in only a few months.
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