Recently, Rabbit and I had our one year anniversary. For the first time in so, so very long, I got to celebrate the length of a relationship. As much as we have both certainly learned that the health and quality of connection mean more than the timespan, it felt good to celebrate a year passing in the way that it has. There's been so much in the last year, and so much that we've learned and healed just by being together that this one felt big.
We started the weekend with Rabbit still feeling a little guilty that we had to change plans. Initially I had gotten us a little private cottage and we were going to go to a renaissance faire where one of my favorite drum and pipe bands was performing. With his back however, we scratched that, and I cancelled the reservation, opting instead to get a room in a nearby historic town we've been meaning to visit together, which would be much less traveling and walking, so thereby easier on his back and legs. I didn't care that we had to adjust things, and in fact was the one that suggested it. As far as I was concerned, we were getting to spend time just focused on appreciating a year together, what we've built, and looking forward to the time yet to come.
The weather didn't quite decide to cooperate, but we didn't mind. We went out anyway, and enjoyed places being less busy due to all the rain. Initially, Rabbit had wanted to find some fancy place to go to dinner, and we picking places that seemed to be a little outside of what we would normally do. After talking, we agreed that we would rather just find somewhere good, rather than somewhere that claims to be romantic or anything else. Luckily, the first night we found a tucked away place that was practically empty, so we got a table right on the river, which was what he wanted.
Overall, we both just focused on us, and didn't try to do anything for the sake of what we thought we should do because of stereotypes. We also spoke about how we've worked through so much compared to a year ago, and everything that comes with that. About how Squishy being so attached to him gives exactly what he couldn't figure out previously about whether he wanted kids, and how his way of thinking around teenagers has changed. How we're no longer anywhere near as afraid of something appearing and changing out of nowhere. That he isn't so much feeling the pride he used to feel about things like his goals on quitting smoking, or letting me pay for things. How we both are grateful for the odd feeling of someone wanting to learn about us in order to love us better.
And that was the biggest one. That a year later, we're still learning about each other, and excited to do so. We want to know as much as we can, because it brings us joy to share, and feel safe in that. We get to show how we're growing, and what we've been through, and use all of it in order to continue to build something healthy and strong.
I mentioned that as much as we would say otherwise, we only just left the honeymoon phase this past summer. With so much happening, and the stress and anxiety caused by navigating it and life together, even though there was never the thought that we wanted to leave, it forced us into some uncomfortable, and unfiltered places. We learned however that we never had to worry about it being anything other than us against the problems though, and we're coming out of all of it greater and stronger than before.
Unfortunately, where he started our first year with a cold, I started this one the same way. I joked that this was the sign that I was getting a year to front load on him, and he said that was ok. We'll see what actually comes of it, but if that's the case, I would like at least a year after that of some actual peace.
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