As a teenager, I was usually the one being dumped. My relationships didn't last long (and in fact, I think nothing that lasts less than a month actually counts, which means a good lot of them don't) but it was the same issue every time.
Not that we fought.
Not that cheating occurred.
Not that we hurt the other in any way.
No, the thing that each one of them didn't stand for was that it just felt like we were good friends who fooled around.
And who was I to argue. They were dating a teenage sociopath. There isn't going to be this soul-stopping connection.
Then I found Kitty, and experienced what actual romantic love was.
It wasn't a crush. It wasn't this all consuming thing.
I felt inspired.
I noticed myself grow, evolve, and be happier as a person, whether he was around or not.
And when I did think about him, or talk to him, or spend time with him, I felt at peace.
It didn't matter what drama was happening, or the issues going on. He could make me put them aside, smile, and then go back and tackle them.
It was the most amazing, freeing thing I'd ever experienced.
And, I find it interesting when people can't separate what a crush and what love is. There is no fireworks, or explosions. No intense driving emotion (unless you hurt someone I care about, in which case you will wish for death). There is comfort, and a feeling of rightness. That no matter what comes your way, you can tackle it, and still have time for a snuggle before going off to bed.
I find it incredible that something that drives so many people is probably not completely understood by even half of them. And so many more people so searching for it, not knowing what it even feels like.
It took me a long time to realize that real love wasn't this feeling sparks and butterflies, cant breathe thing that happens. That's obsession. That's a crush. I used to think I was broken because I couldn't feel that way again as I got older (hormones make everything seem so amped in hindsight).
ReplyDeleteThen I found Sir and BDSM. I am at peace with him. There are good days and bad, but I don't get the way I used to. BDSM is pretty darn close though. I think thats a small part of the draw (other than the need for control and the inherent fun of the kink).
I think that it's healthy to start with a crush, and I believe that the honeymoon period in the beginning of a relationship is a great explanation of that. The issue is that a lot of people expect that to be permanent, and it isn't. As we fall in love we become more comfortable, and people either never feel that, or they think there is a problem with it.
ReplyDeleteIf I'm not comfortable with you, I sure as hell am not going to even consider the idea of being in love with you.