Said So

I read on another blog recently, the finer points of the phrase "Because I said so" in regards to power exchange.  While I could tell what he was talking about, there was a lot of reiteration of the same points, and talking in circles.

However, it immediately made me think of how that phrase is a great way to look at the differences between the power exchange I had with Thrax, and what I have now with Lux.

Thrax ran his dommypants attitude with "Because I said so".  He just figured being the domly person was a way to get me to say and do whatever he wanted, regardless of my comfort, who I was, or how I felt, and then not have to do anything about it.  He'd ignore everything I said most of the time, until it was what he wanted to hear, or try to reprimand me for not giving him the desired answer to questions.

It was childish.  Like the beast stomping her feet saying she didn't want to eat what I'd given her because I put butter on it instead of tomato sauce.  Or more accurate yet, telling her she doesn't have time to play in the tub, because she spent too much time jumping on her bed, and now has to get dried off for stories.  It showed no regard for anything other than his own selfish attitude, and that he was too afraid that considering others might be seen as a weakness.

And then there's Lux, who is paranoid and bundle of nerves, and I appreciate every moment of it.  I have to run on autopilot a lot with him, because he tries to do everything himself.  It's often my job to take care of things before he gets a chance, or just tell him I'm doing them.  When he asks me to do things for him, I know it's his way of trying to be more comfortable with it, so I make sure to do it to help with this, as well as because I enjoy doing things for him.

If he ever asked me to do something, and I asked why only to receive the "Because I said so" I know it would either be something incredibly important, or because it would lead to something really fun for us both later.

So much of power exchange is just knowing when.  When to be soft, or push back playfully.  When to obey completely and when to pull all the dommypants.  And it all just goes into the care for your partner.