Last year at Flea, Lux and I brought Nessa, and he blames that weekend to be where she wound up moving away from him. She spent the entire weekend swooning over, and making out with a couple we refer to as our stalkers, and riding the waves of odd new relationship energy that pulls her along with every new person she finds.
And as Lux and I went to get dinner that night, crossing the street in the snow, we discussed her falling victim to NRE so often. How Lux does find himself enjoying it on occasion, but not as quickly as she. And how I don't really experience it.
I've been thinking about it a lot lately. How I really don't get any sort of shiny feeling with new people. In fact. It's sort of the opposite. The longer someone sticks around, the more time I want to invest in them. The more I've learned, the more I find those faults endearing, because they make that person shine. That after years, I feel more peace and excitement to see and hug them every single time.
It makes it more difficult for me to find new people to include in my life. I become so invested in these people who have stood the test of time, and built real bonds that grow stronger every day, that I have trouble bringing in new people, and taking that risk. And with new partners especially, because a lot of people don't want to build a friendship first. Then there's all the people who don't want a friendship if it does get to the point of play and sex and it just doesn't mesh right to continue. It's all so risky, and then there are those people over there who are amazing and I know inside and out and care about me for who I am, and they look shiny to me.
And, I know it's a common trait in sociopaths. We hold very specific people close, and everyone else is sort of disposable. I'm more on the functional end of that than most, but it absolutely speaks for me. The people who have become my people make me happiest, and inspire me and bring me excitement. New people make me worry, and I want to shrug them off in favor of the ones who stick around.
So, I mean, I get the whole NRE buzz. It must be a hell of a high. But in general, I'll stick to my people who get shinier over time, and be a lot happier for it.
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