A New Devious Chapter

The other day I had a stream on while working on things, and the beginning of it was just talking to chat while waiting for people to show up.  At one point, they started talking about ragefucking, and argument sex.  They then said that it is never actually a good idea, and I started thinking about the science of it. Ragefucking is a trap.  Full on Admiral Ackbar trap.  When people are fighting, it stimulates the brain to create similar endorphins that would occur when we're turned on.  And because we're that worked up, we look at the other person for the same relief we would want when we have too much stress, or need comfort and catharsis.  That physical barrier is broken, so both parties let that be an instant response.  Afterward, all the bonding chemicals happen, and bring them back together.  It's probably the reason why most of the couples who constantly split and get back together do so.  They know they're incompatible, but there's t...

A while back, I was scrolling through a feed, and found a link to an article labelled "Most overrated things about sex".  I fell victim to the clickbait, wondering exactly what the writer thought went into this category. And, as I read the list, I kept feeling sorry for anyone that person ever had sex with.  The list was riddled with things like blowjobs, positions other than missionary, and even sex outside the bedroom.  It absolutely painted a portrait that she just wanted to starfish and let the guy do the work to get sex overwith, without her having to do anything. She whined about sex making her tired, and how having to hold herself up was too hard of work.  Now, I know I have better endurance than quite a few people, but getting tired is part of the point.  If you haven't gotten completely worn out, and your body still works, you haven't had enough sex.  Sometimes that means incredibly rough sex that doesn't last as long, or something easier that yo...

There have been some weird things I've noticed since being in a poly dynamic.  Things I often didn't think about prior, just because it wasn't something I had experience with.  On fet, I notice a lot of people label themselves as polyamorous without actually showing any relationships, and this often tweaks something in me.  I know many people aren't comfortable with the idea of living monogamously as a permanent situation, but saying that makes it look like you can never feel fulfilled by a single partner.  It's like saying that you'll take on a relationship with a person, but won't be happy with them until you find yet another partner. I'm rather fond of both my partners.  I'm in no rush to be without either of them, and hope they're both in my life and just as important to me for an incredibly long time.  However, I don't need one to feel fulfillment in the other.  They both make me happy, on their own, and just by being them.  If the oth...

I was thinking the other day, of how Thrax was so vehemently against anything he deemed to be submissive.  This included things like doing favors for me, or even education in order to be safe during play.  He would refuse to do things like self tie while I would do the same in order to teach him basic single and double columns, because he would swear it made him submissive. And, really, this is just fear on his part.  As a switch, I've always been very aware that any act has the potential to be done with any side of power exchange, or with none at all.  Treating an act as though it can only be done one way, is going without looking at the possible fun in it.  Yes, there is an obvious top and bottom to any act (unless, you know, the same thing is being done to both, in cases of mutual violence, or molestation) but to say that an act inherently gives or takes control absolutely makes no sense.  Things like when I dig my hands into Lux, doesn't mean I'm in c...

Recently, my uncle came to visit.  Now, acknowledging how shitty my family is, my uncle is probably the worst of them all.  He's outright abusive, violates personal space, and will openly attack those who say anything to him to try and get him to quiet down.  While I had wanted to be conveniently missing while he was there, I was told I had to deal with him.  More than likely because they didn't want to deal with him by themselves.  In a five minute span, while putting away lunch and balancing things, he is shoving me against the kitchen counters, and asking if I have a boyfriend.  When I say no, he tells me it's because I'm too worthless for anyone to want to be with me.  He tells me that I'm not doing anything to put myself out there.  He tells me no one will ever see me as desirable. I can't say in front of my parents that I in fact have two partners, that both care about me a fuckton, and I just don't care about throwing a label on them....

Both of my last two relationships were incredibly emotionally, and at times somewhat physically abusive.  To be honest, it's something I've dealt with my entire life, and currently as well from my parents, but I'm focusing more on those last two relationships in this case.  And while a lot of it had a shitty effect on me, it's also helped me become a better partner I think.  I know the effects it has, and I don't want people to ever feel that way.  Fortunately, or unfortunately, I feel like you can't really be conscious of it all unless you've been through it. Things like balancing partners, and making them both feel cared about, even though it's something I've pretty much gotten used to, is something I still worry about and make sure I manage.  I know how it feels to be tossed aside just for the prospect of something new and shiny, or because someone has decided to stop giving a shit.  I hate the idea of ever doing that to a partner, and if I ever...

It's something a lot of people fear in relationships.  Hitting that point where there are awkward silences, and time together becomes routine.  I find that in order to avoid it, people try to keep from building a friendship with partners.  The less they know, the less they can relax and just fall into that comfortable lull, depending on passion and superficial attraction. I hate feeling that way with people.  I crave that comfortable feeling with people.  When we can lay on a couch naked giggling over the stupidest things, eating takeout, and playing video games, I am the happiest with a partner.  Those times that absolutely would not occur unless you'd spent enough time to just build that trust and connection with someone. When sex isn't the only thing that makes you feel fulfilled with someone, but those little moments as well.  At the same time, there is that knowing when it comes to sex.  How to tell your partner's interest, and feeling safe...

Last weekend started off difficult.  Lux got held up a lot in traffic, and it meant we were very late meeting up.  By the time we got together, we decided that even though we were both hangry, we would get into the hotel, and order something.  Luckily, we were close to the hotel, and upon getting in, and giggling over the tub, we settled a bit, and tried to decide on food. Welp, we didn't get to food right away.  Instead, sex was very necessary, and even after we were done the first time, it was sort of a constant project to prioritize getting food instead of more sex.  He showed me his new ipad he got for drawing, and made a big deal of the quick doodle I jotted onto it.  We spent the rest of the evening giggling over cartoons while sprawled on the bed eating chinese, and snuggling.  It definitely felt like the calm time we both needed to just enjoy. The next morning, we woke up with more sex, and while trying to figure out what to do with our morn...

There will be real posts later this week covering what happened over the weekend, and other real things.  However, with last Thursday's post, and how the weekend went, I need to add a couple dopey moments to show how we giggle over everything. Lux decided to hide from me what sort of room he got at the hotel.  We got in, and I got a glance at the receipt, noticing he definitely didn't get a stock room.  We get upstairs, and I immediately see the corner of the giant tub in the room, and start giggling. Saturday morning, he decides to run a bath, and after nearly boiling his nuts several times because he made it way too hot, he lays down, and before I get in, we both look over, and notice just the head of his penis floating above the water, while he's completely flaccid.  And we both giggle.  Lesson of the weekend: flaccid penis' are buoyant. Then, the next morning, we are having sex, and he starts punching me.  One hit is right into my oblique, and the fo...

Prior to this weekend with Lux, it had been a really long time with the absolute minimum affection, and time with partners.  I wanted sex of course, and snuggles, and just contact.  However, I found myself realizing I wanted very specific things. After the rope time with Kitty, I wanted connective, primal violence.  I wanted those endorphins, and contact, and sensation.  To be left tired, and feeling connected, my body overstimulated, and my mind floating in catharsis.  That rope just didn't do it, and it left me craving what would. I've wanted those quiet intimate evenings with my partners.  Time when Lux and I curl up mostly naked, playing video games and being silly.  With lots of sex breaks, and just being us and enjoying that.  Time with Kitty where we turn on a movie, and snuggle up, eventually making out like teenagers, and giggling more than anything else. There have been random nights where I've gone to bed and just wanted someone the...