Recently, my uncle came to visit. Now, acknowledging how shitty my family is, my uncle is probably the worst of them all. He's outright abusive, violates personal space, and will openly attack those who say anything to him to try and get him to quiet down. While I had wanted to be conveniently missing while he was there, I was told I had to deal with him. More than likely because they didn't want to deal with him by themselves.
In a five minute span, while putting away lunch and balancing things, he is shoving me against the kitchen counters, and asking if I have a boyfriend. When I say no, he tells me it's because I'm too worthless for anyone to want to be with me. He tells me that I'm not doing anything to put myself out there. He tells me no one will ever see me as desirable.
I can't say in front of my parents that I in fact have two partners, that both care about me a fuckton, and I just don't care about throwing a label on them. I can't tell him that I have people who find me to be an important and inspiring part of their life, and I'm more concerned with being a healthy and supportive influence rather than just a relationship status. I can't tell him that the last two boyfriends I've had were abusive, and that right now I just care about having healthy and respectful people in my life, regardless of the role they take.
He fixates on it for his visit. How not having a serious titled relationship makes me worthless. How not being part of a collective makes me less of a person.
And, fuck, that's such utter bullshit. It's the reason why people are afraid to be single. Afraid to learn about who they are, and depend on who they become while attached to someone. I have worth for so many reasons other than my partners, and while I may be able to show them off for the amazing people they are, they don't make me worth any more just by slapping a label on them, just as they don't have any more worth by putting one on me. We all have worth through our talents and thoughts and skills and views and what we contribute. We have worth in what we give and encourage and create. We have worth in how we make others feel, and how we help, and all the many things we do in this world. We have worth in what we do as an individual, and how we grow, and cultivate growth in others, and none of that is dependent on having a romantic relationship. Anyone who makes anyone think otherwise is far too dependent on their own partner to realize what worth really is.
Your family ... I have much empathy for you.
ReplyDeleteWorth is inherent to the person, not determined by others... as if being determined "worthy" by someone else suddenly gives you actual worth? Like a person's only worth is in how the attract/retain paramour(s)?