Both of my last two relationships were incredibly emotionally, and at times somewhat physically abusive. To be honest, it's something I've dealt with my entire life, and currently as well from my parents, but I'm focusing more on those last two relationships in this case.
And while a lot of it had a shitty effect on me, it's also helped me become a better partner I think. I know the effects it has, and I don't want people to ever feel that way. Fortunately, or unfortunately, I feel like you can't really be conscious of it all unless you've been through it.
Things like balancing partners, and making them both feel cared about, even though it's something I've pretty much gotten used to, is something I still worry about and make sure I manage. I know how it feels to be tossed aside just for the prospect of something new and shiny, or because someone has decided to stop giving a shit. I hate the idea of ever doing that to a partner, and if I ever did, it'd tear me apart for making them feel that way. Lux has dealt with it too, and is always worried if he has another partner around with me. I'm always sure to just poke for attention if I want a bit more of it, and make sure he spends time with them as well. Kitty hasn't gone through it, with his limited experience in poly or open dynamics, and as such has recently found out how it makes other people feel to do it to him, and now he's trying to balance better, realizing how overextended he was.
I know to stay honest, because even the smallest fibs can sneak in and destroy things. To consider my partners, and their thoughts and feelings in most things just to create a simple and peaceful dynamic. To listen to them, because they do provide outside perspective, and their response gives me insight onto how they're doing as well. To always be supportive, and a source of positive encouragement, while calling them out on bullshit. So many things that I would never think of if I hadn't dealt with it first hand.
I know I'm not a perfect partner, but I know that a lot of people never learn from abuse and shit that they deal with. However, I'm going to take every experience with everyone I have, and turn it into something to learn and grow from.
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