Lux had kind of a hard time on his birthday at a few points. A couple of his exes decided to message him, and then started conversations, and by the next day, it was getting to him.
We talked about how he wants to be able to just let things happen, and not feel paranoid or territorial, and how staying quiet just doesn't work. How acknowledging things, and keeping up with that transparency of feelings will do a world more good, and probably keep issues to a minimum, or remove them over time. We talked about how he hates to feel like he's just an extra person who sometimes gets noticed, and while he doesn't mind being his partners having other people, he needs to feel like he's a priority in things, rather than just an occasional convenience.
I told him about how I know he's very aware that I'm never going anywhere, and am not going to magically change and ignore him, there's still a part of his brain that is paranoid about it because of his past partners, and that I make sure to do my best to balance him in things, not because he is an obligation, but because I never want to be that shitty partner.
I assured him that he's not the pain in the ass he thinks he is. That needing regular care and attention and honesty doesn't make him a bad partner. That this is kind of something I enjoy and try to do with my partners regularly.
He then brought up the idea of play at Pennsic, and how I felt about it. About having other partners, or things happening, or public play, or whatever. How he didn't want me to feel ignored in any of it.
And, these are things that we've talked about several times before. We check in with each other pretty often if we know we're going to do something with someone new, or if we feel any bad vibes with a situation. Again, that open honesty that creates trust and sometimes removes issues. I made sure to tell him that if in the rare chance I wanted to do anything with anyone new, I would continue to get permission from him first, and reminded him that the only person I might awkwardly try anything with is the fire spinner who I found online after last year (I wanna touch the butt!).
We tried to discuss how we felt about one night stand type things, and agreed we weren't terribly fond of it. That we may have an unspoken rule of hanging out first to get a vibe, and negotiations and that happy crap out of the way, especially before sneaking them into camp, and kicking them out afterward.
Sometimes, those awkward difficult times lead to strengthening foundations elsewhere. I'm glad we talked about those things, and I hope I gave him peace of mind before we adventure together.
We talked about how he wants to be able to just let things happen, and not feel paranoid or territorial, and how staying quiet just doesn't work. How acknowledging things, and keeping up with that transparency of feelings will do a world more good, and probably keep issues to a minimum, or remove them over time. We talked about how he hates to feel like he's just an extra person who sometimes gets noticed, and while he doesn't mind being his partners having other people, he needs to feel like he's a priority in things, rather than just an occasional convenience.
I told him about how I know he's very aware that I'm never going anywhere, and am not going to magically change and ignore him, there's still a part of his brain that is paranoid about it because of his past partners, and that I make sure to do my best to balance him in things, not because he is an obligation, but because I never want to be that shitty partner.
I assured him that he's not the pain in the ass he thinks he is. That needing regular care and attention and honesty doesn't make him a bad partner. That this is kind of something I enjoy and try to do with my partners regularly.
He then brought up the idea of play at Pennsic, and how I felt about it. About having other partners, or things happening, or public play, or whatever. How he didn't want me to feel ignored in any of it.
And, these are things that we've talked about several times before. We check in with each other pretty often if we know we're going to do something with someone new, or if we feel any bad vibes with a situation. Again, that open honesty that creates trust and sometimes removes issues. I made sure to tell him that if in the rare chance I wanted to do anything with anyone new, I would continue to get permission from him first, and reminded him that the only person I might awkwardly try anything with is the fire spinner who I found online after last year (I wanna touch the butt!).
We tried to discuss how we felt about one night stand type things, and agreed we weren't terribly fond of it. That we may have an unspoken rule of hanging out first to get a vibe, and negotiations and that happy crap out of the way, especially before sneaking them into camp, and kicking them out afterward.
Sometimes, those awkward difficult times lead to strengthening foundations elsewhere. I'm glad we talked about those things, and I hope I gave him peace of mind before we adventure together.
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