Expect

I often feel like I'm cheating, or losing out on big adventures, because I very rarely do things with a lot of expectation.  It's probably a bit due to everything in the past, but as time has gone on, I've just stopped making a lot of expectations in regards to anything, because more often than not, I'm met with disappointment.

For the last while, I've been getting messages, or hearing from Lux that he wants to make something of his Pennsic.  He wants to do this, or that, or focus on this for the week.  Like he has this mountain of fantasies to pack into our trip.

And while I'm planning on attending a lot of classes, I know they're all feasible to me.  So long as it isn't too hot, I'll be tired at the end of the week, but they just depend on me taking a short walk every day.  I'd like to walk the grounds and take pictures one afternoon when I get the time, but again, that's just dependent on me finding time to mosey about around everything else going on.

I don't expect to have play time anymore though.  I don't expect these magical happenings, or anything anything else to go on.  I don't look at it with any focus.

I'm there to take in whatever is offered.  I'll contribute every bit of energy I can to what is there, and enjoy what happens organically.  I would rather find my own fun and be happy with that than go somewhere wishing for a handful of things to happen, and finding failure in their lacking despite everything else going on.

By being present, I lose the disappointment of expectation, and while it's been learned through the worst of means, it certainly isn't a bad thing to live by.