After putting on my makeup to go run errands one day, I popped into the den to announce to my father that I no longer looked like a zombie. He commented about how pale I look with foundation on to cover my freckles, and I mentioned that it's actually difficult to find foundation pale enough for me.
Which is true by the way. Way too much makeup nerding here, but I am so fair, and with cool undertones, that even high end lines with upwards of 40 shades don't have something light enough for me that isn't yellow.
However, that wasn't the conversation I had. When I mentioned my difficulty to my father, instead of making a dumb joke that I should just buy white foundation or something, instead told me I need to go into the sun more until I can find a shade.
My father told me that in order to have access to something, I need to change my skin color.
In order to not get mad in that moment, I joked that bright red foundation is even harder to find.
And in what should have been an unsurprising response, he told me I was too stupid to talk to, and that he just meant "getting color" and not "getting burnt".
I left the room in that moment, not feeling like being openly abused again. His ignorance flying high, assuming that all people work exactly the same. He has a native american complexion, and tans easily. I have a northeastern european one, and so stay very pale, unless I burn.
It's almost like most people can't just change the color of their skin. It's almost like basic things like makeup shouldn't need to be earned by having a certain skin tone.
I know a lot of POC deal with things like this every day, but holy shit. Not only do I get this about how I dress, and my opinions in everything, but I don't even tell them about many aspects of myself because they openly show disrespect about them whenever it comes up in conversation with others. Now my father pulls that shit and whether he knew it or not told me I wasn't worth something because of the color of my skin.
It makes me want to flail, and scream, and punch him in his god damned mouth so hard he can't speak again.
Which is true by the way. Way too much makeup nerding here, but I am so fair, and with cool undertones, that even high end lines with upwards of 40 shades don't have something light enough for me that isn't yellow.
However, that wasn't the conversation I had. When I mentioned my difficulty to my father, instead of making a dumb joke that I should just buy white foundation or something, instead told me I need to go into the sun more until I can find a shade.
My father told me that in order to have access to something, I need to change my skin color.
In order to not get mad in that moment, I joked that bright red foundation is even harder to find.
And in what should have been an unsurprising response, he told me I was too stupid to talk to, and that he just meant "getting color" and not "getting burnt".
I left the room in that moment, not feeling like being openly abused again. His ignorance flying high, assuming that all people work exactly the same. He has a native american complexion, and tans easily. I have a northeastern european one, and so stay very pale, unless I burn.
It's almost like most people can't just change the color of their skin. It's almost like basic things like makeup shouldn't need to be earned by having a certain skin tone.
I know a lot of POC deal with things like this every day, but holy shit. Not only do I get this about how I dress, and my opinions in everything, but I don't even tell them about many aspects of myself because they openly show disrespect about them whenever it comes up in conversation with others. Now my father pulls that shit and whether he knew it or not told me I wasn't worth something because of the color of my skin.
It makes me want to flail, and scream, and punch him in his god damned mouth so hard he can't speak again.
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