I've been reading a lot of things lately about why people stay in abusive relationships, and how they wind up in them and such.
All people who have their own reasons, and stories about things.
It brought to mind that both of my siblings, as well as myself, have had abusive partners. My brother is with one still, and my sister only isn't with one now because her current partner is completely dependent on her (I know those are not mutually exclusive, but he is legitimately afraid he would not survive without her care).
And it gives me that absolute definitive proof that we grew up in an abusive situation. We were raised that emotional abuse was normal. That it was an aspect of love. That just because my parents stayed together and were abusive toward each other, they would be abusive toward us and it was fine.
They just assumed it was how things worked, and it's why they are nearing 40, and still in unhealthy relationships. I fought from my daughter's age to be treated like a person, and was told that I should just agree with them. To do what they want, and that I simply argue for the sake of arguing.
I saw abuse from a young age, but because I didn't have any example of what healthy looked like, or actual communication, it took me forever to learn it all the hard way.
I realized that while I may not have had experience in many healthy dynamics, I sure as hell knew what I didn't want to deal with, and what I didn't want to put people through.
Sometimes, we get trapped in abuse. And sometimes you're simply taught that abuse is normal from day one.
All people who have their own reasons, and stories about things.
It brought to mind that both of my siblings, as well as myself, have had abusive partners. My brother is with one still, and my sister only isn't with one now because her current partner is completely dependent on her (I know those are not mutually exclusive, but he is legitimately afraid he would not survive without her care).
And it gives me that absolute definitive proof that we grew up in an abusive situation. We were raised that emotional abuse was normal. That it was an aspect of love. That just because my parents stayed together and were abusive toward each other, they would be abusive toward us and it was fine.
They just assumed it was how things worked, and it's why they are nearing 40, and still in unhealthy relationships. I fought from my daughter's age to be treated like a person, and was told that I should just agree with them. To do what they want, and that I simply argue for the sake of arguing.
I saw abuse from a young age, but because I didn't have any example of what healthy looked like, or actual communication, it took me forever to learn it all the hard way.
I realized that while I may not have had experience in many healthy dynamics, I sure as hell knew what I didn't want to deal with, and what I didn't want to put people through.
Sometimes, we get trapped in abuse. And sometimes you're simply taught that abuse is normal from day one.
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