A New Devious Chapter

 It was only for a night, but over the weekend of Valentine's, Lux was able to visit.  Squishy was away with the gnome, so I was able to just enjoy time with him for a day.  And while these visits are short, and we're limited in what we can do, having him around again after so long in between makes me happy. After so long without sex, our bodies weren't at all used to the amount that we enjoy, but it didn't stop us, and at least on my end, it helped tremendously.  I don't need sex as a form of self affirmation, but I do gain some level of mental reset from it, and it helps me relax a bit in knowing how Lux is doing as well.  In many ways, it's a way of checking in with each other, which we don't often get to just sit and do with how life gets in the way. We talked on and off about our plans for the year.  Lux changing jobs is going to do him a lot of good, and be very beneficial for him in the coming year, but he has some things he's going to need to do,...

 I didn't realize it until a day or so after, but last week marked a decade since kicking out the gnome.  Ten full years without living with the abuse he showed me every day. It didn't mean an end to abuse in my life altogether, but could not have been more necessary for me at that point, considering it was the one time in my life that I was seriously contemplating ending my life, and had really felt like I had lost myself.  While I've instead had to deal with new shitty behaviors from him, every time it reminds me of how right I was to have him leave. And while he's existed on the life escalator society pushes on people, but more or less declined as a person, I've managed to push for personal growth on all fronts. I've learned to build healthier relationships, in all ways.  It means I have different friends, but they are better overall, and people who help me feel supported in my life.  I've also learned about how I am polyamorous, and how to balance that i...

 My parents unfortunately, despite their ignorant claims, still aren't really taking things seriously with the pandemic that it still going on.  While I am keeping tabs on numbers, and trying to be careful as often as I can, it also means having to yell at my mom not to just behave as though life is normal. And I hope that recently, we got a scare that will make at least her be more responsible. Two days after the birthday weekend, we got a call from my brother.  He had found out that his boss's father, who just hangs out in the shop all the time, came in while exhibiting symptoms over the weekend, and discovered that he was covid positive.  My brother had gotten a test, and wouldn't know his own status for a few days.  Which meant we had to stay in, alert the other people who were here to do the same, and prepare for the possibility that we may have gotten covid. Luckily, my brother's test came back negative which meant that either we weren't exposed, or if he ...

 January meant all the birthdays, and the end of the holidays here.  Being at the end of that chunk of time takes a good amount of weight off of me, because I no longer have to juggle anywhere near as much.  But while I was making sure every holiday happened as smoothly as possible with my mother forgetting everything constantly, my brother only made it to Channukah and his own birthday. So on Squishy's birthday, he was here and finally got handed his Christmas gifts, and everything from his stocking.  He was going through it, happy with all of it, until he pulled a chapstick out of the bag.  My mom had picked up a big pack of them, all different candy flavors, and so rather than dump a dozen chapsticks into Squishy's stocking, I divvied them out among everyone, making sure each stocking got a flavor that person would like.  As far as I was concerned, a lip balm is something everyone can use, especially through winter when everything dries out. And as he pu...