Ten Down

 I didn't realize it until a day or so after, but last week marked a decade since kicking out the gnome.  Ten full years without living with the abuse he showed me every day.

It didn't mean an end to abuse in my life altogether, but could not have been more necessary for me at that point, considering it was the one time in my life that I was seriously contemplating ending my life, and had really felt like I had lost myself.  While I've instead had to deal with new shitty behaviors from him, every time it reminds me of how right I was to have him leave.

And while he's existed on the life escalator society pushes on people, but more or less declined as a person, I've managed to push for personal growth on all fronts.

I've learned to build healthier relationships, in all ways.  It means I have different friends, but they are better overall, and people who help me feel supported in my life.  I've also learned about how I am polyamorous, and how to balance that in a transparent way that makes partners feel taken care of.  It helps me be a better mom to Squishy, and turn his behavior into teachable moments, so she understands how it isn't normal or healthy as she gets older.

My art has become something I don't try to hide, on all fronts.  Whether teaching, performing, writing, or drawing, I am constantly trying to do more with them, push myself, and not feel like someone will try to take over what I'm doing, and dictate my every move.  It makes me happy to do that growth, on my own.

I'm free to be myself now, and for the most part encouraged to do so.  Free to grow and change and just be who I am.

And while I have a long way to go, the past ten years have lead to something so much better.