A New Devious Chapter

 Squishy is definitely the type of person that winds up with a crush on every person that gives her attention (something I will need to talk to her more about as she gets older).  She's had a few that have stuck around in her mind, and I've had to teach her how to not make things awkward or difficult for the other person, because her feeling have yet to be returned by anyone.  I think she has trouble figuring out the difference between a squish and a crush, but that's a thing that everyone needs to learn over time. It's been a few years since she also realized that she likes girls, and is quite comfortable with that part of herself luckily.  Since then, she's had two more long standing crushes on girls in her school, and something that I noticed more recently is that they both happen to be people of color.   Normally, I would just be happy that she isn't pigeonholing herself into just dating white people, and I can tell by how she talks to and about them th...

 I've been finding myself doing more online social things lately, and while I'll talk about that more, and what it's doing for me later, there's a more particular incident I want to talk about. Even though I don't live in the direct vicinity of DC, because I'm friends with a good number of people who were going to be in attendance, I decided to join in on the poly brunch zoom call.  It wound up relatively small, which made me feel better about more open social things.  Going into the pandemic, I wasn't sure how they would work, because I figured it would be far too many people to have a decent conversation going.   I found myself getting a handful of DMs though, and one of which was from someone who was sitting in on the call with no video or mic on.  In fact, he said nothing to anyone the entire time I think, except for me.  He attempted some horrible attempt at small talk and hitting on me through DMs, and very quickly asked me if I planned on attend...

 I had a pretty good track going for things lately.  I had a plan to get things done, and didn't feel overloaded.  Things with home and all weren't the best, but I was managing, and having a list I could easily tackle most days was helpful. And somehow, in the span of about a week, I went from managing, to busy, to fried. I've taken on a lot in the last month, and more every week it seems.  I went from a handful of tasks per day, to what is often dozens, all ranging in time they take up, and many of them are larger projects, or will be continuous obligation.  Top that off with having to take care of myself, Squishy, and Oliver, and I feel like I can't stop moving ever. On Saturday, after I had a good chunk of the day taken from me, because my parents decided what I was doing with my time, I tried to finally work out, and a few minutes in realized that I didn't want to do anything.  I didn't want to work out, or draw, or take on any of the things I needed to...

 There are very few things I am patient with, although I have gotten better as I've gotten older.  One thing I am often patient with though, is my partners.  I may grump around with things that are irritating, but I am very quick to appreciate the good first, and put those annoying moments aside in order to enjoy the overall time with a partner. However, when things turn into consistent disrespectful behaviors, lack of change when talking about issues, and there's no positive actions or moments to balance it out, I'm not going to just sit and take it like I should be fine with what's going on. And Kitty, after how long I've cared about him, and tried to keep some level of connection, I've hit a point where I can't try and spin his behaviors to any perspective that looks like he cares at all.  I've been left ignored, lied to, feeling manipulated and disrespected.  What's worse, is where I was done with him months ago due to the imbalance of good and b...

 I mentioned previously that I'm finally trying to reach out and do more social things outside of the occasional single person calls.  Not just private ones, but actually attending social events online. It's sometimes difficult to figure out what ones I can attend with Squishy home, but not as difficult as I had thought it would be overall.  And while I know many of the people in these gatherings, many of them aren't people I have long conversations with, or talk to much outside of events. So in many ways, these are becoming beneficial for me.  I'm spending time with newer people to develop new connections and friendships that I don't get to with just going to camp.  These online events also give me opportunities that I wouldn't normally have since I'm also a few hours away from any of where these gatherings would have been in person.  And it gives me the chance to recharge socially, which I've been having trouble with. To top it off, I feel like there...