Before You Need It

 I remember for the longest time seeing the idea of couples apps, and shrugging them off.  Thinking that I was above them, because I could manage a relationship myself, and that using any tools was a failure.

And then I started thinking about ways to help Rabbit, and keep him on track, or provide some amount of accountability.  Initially, I had wanted a sort of shared to-do list.  Something I could add pertinent reminders to, that he knew we could both see, and so it would stay visible in a way that might keep so many things from falling through the cracks.

So I went looking, and the majority of what I had found happened to be a relationship app.  I almost refused to even ask about any of them, because they seemed ridiculous to me.  As I looked at it though, it had all the tools I was looking for, as well as some other cute things.  So I tossed the idea at him, and while it took a week or so for us to get to it, because he still does have ADHD, we finally tried it.

We found something adorable.  All sorts of little things to share and poke around, with a notification sent to the other person whenever we add or update something.  It's a cute little reminder that we're putting the work in.  That we're present and thinking of each other, and of putting work into the relationship.

So, I realize that maybe in my case at least, these apps are a sign of a strong bond.  Wanting to use these tools means we both want to be more invested, rather than feeling like we just want to rely on ourselves.  It also gives us tools to help each other as people, and a way to log the things that happen in our relationship so that we can look back on them.

May we reinforce connection and create accountability without the shame of what we've been told we should or shouldn't use.  Especially in the case of neurodivergent loved ones, we should utilize whatever helps.