Learning the Difference

 For a while, I noticed some of Rabbit's behaviors, and how he would joke about ADHD.  I saw how he was functioning now that there is time and space from his ex moving out, but could see the patterns in his habits.  I had thought those would be things that simply changed with time, and eventually when things fell on him, he would start to be more productive, especially as he felt happier.

And yes, I noticed also the things that motivated him, or helped him continue to get things done.  Still though, there were many things that he simply hasn't made progress with, opting instead to continue on this path of least resistance.  Recently, it helped me realize that we're moving out of the honeymoon phase, because I could see how eventually I would wind up frustrated by this, and need to end things.

But then, he told me that he actually is diagnosed on paper with ADHD.  That he tried multiple different kinds of meds as a kid, and they all had a horrible effect on him.  So while many people would probably jump ship at that point, I found it helpful.  It meant a jumping point of how to learn to work with this.  I learned that it's normal for one person to wind up frustrated, because they try to do everything because they have the executive capability, then the other person feels useless or like a child because they don't do anything to make balance.

Knowing that his mind is actually incapable of being as productive is empowering though.  Having that reminder gives me patience, because now we have rules.  It also helps me understand the ways his brain does work, and because I work so logically, means I can use that information to help try systems that will help him succeed.

And really, that's what I want.  I don't want to force him to do things, or lay down unrealistic expectations.  I also don't want to just take on everything for him.  I want us to work as a team, and I want to figure out a way that he can feel proud of what he does, and succeed at his own goals.

It may also help with Squishy too, because while she may be undiagnosed, she exhibits just about every symptom out there.  Maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to find some systems that help her do better in things as well.

Sometimes it's all about learning that it's not what about they won't do, but just about what they can't.