Full of Off-putting Firsts

 One day my parents get home and I help them bring in some rocking chairs that need to be assembled.  They're going to be put together in the house, and then put on the front porch, my mom having finally decided on what she wanted.  The old man asks me about something he doesn't know about, then starts yelling at me when I go to explain it, because apparently I'm wrong, even though he didn't know to start.

I went upstairs afterward, and thought about it.  I thought about how different my relationship now is with Rabbit.  How we listen and care, making sure to respond rather than react.  We learn from each other, both with the questions we ask, and as well how to respond to issues.  

There's a part of my mind that's constantly yelling because of it.  That love and a relationship can't be this peaceful.  Something this healthy and considerate must be a trick.  It tells me that I should run, before I'm torn apart, abused in pieces like so many times before.  Waiting for the other shoe to drop.  A relationship based on open minded, and open hearted love is scarier than anything I've had previously.  Not feeling like I'm in survival mode feels foreign.

A few days later, we were each having some anxiety over our own sides of something happening.  Rather than turning it into an attack on each other, or becoming loud and malicious, we simply shared our views.  We spoke about our discomfort, and explained where the anxiety came from.  Knowing that everything would be ok, and making a plan, we set up a compromise that gave us both peace of mind.

Without even realizing it at the time, we had what was for us, our first fight.  Something civil, and calm, but with a lot of emotion still behind it.  The difference was that we didn't look at it as one being against the other.  Instead, it was us versus the issue, and we just needed to figure out a solution.  I had a few cries of relief throughout the day, knowing that if this was how things were going to go, I didn't have to worry about explosions anymore, or things being randomly brought up or turned around on me.

Who knew that the scariest thing, the most emotionally intense thing, would be a healthy love?