Having to Clarify

The day that Rabbit was feeling overwhelmed, we first went to drop off something to my brother.  Squishy had plans to go meet friends, so we didn't have to be up and moving super early like we normally would during the school year.  When we did get out the door though, we initially had plans, but it didn't quite work out.  

However, while on the ride, I don't remember what prompted it, but something came up that had Rabbit saying about how he didn't need group sex anymore because he had me, and that I wasn't interested in it.  I told him that regardless of me, if he wanted to do something, we'd figure out a safe way to go about it that made us both comfortable and happy.  He assured me that if he wanted to, he would tell me, and that he understood that I wouldn't provide everything he might ever want, just like how I couldn't do some things for him.  Then he gave the example that he couldn't do impact the way I want, because I don't see him that way.

And I had to stop him there, because while we'd had the conversation before, apparently I wasn't quite clear enough for things.  It took me a minute to sort the words out, but I managed to clarify and explain a handful of concepts.  Primarily, that while I don't see him at all as someone to be dominant in play with me, I separate topping and bottoming with dominance and submission.  That meant that while he might always be submissive to me, he can absolutely top play or a situation if either one of us wants to do something.

I also enforced that I don't need to be doing all the things on all sides in order to feel satisfied in kink.  With so many things that I am into, I find more that if I am doing kink things with the person I want to do something with, that in itself makes me happy with kink.  Trying to balance every type of kink I enjoy, and on both sides of things at regular intervals would be exhausting, so rather than that, it's just getting to enjoy doing kink in general.  When I'm at events, and get to play with more people, it makes for opportunities to do different things in order to play with them.  It's far more important that I do things with people that I enjoy more than the thing itself, and getting to do that is the far more fulfilling aspect.

That seemed to make more sense to him, and clarified a lot.  We talked about be appreciative over the comfort of being able to share like that, and always trying to understand each other better.  It goes to show that we always have more to learn about each other, and no matter how much we think we know, it's important to revisit and communicate.