Popped

 After waiting and contemplating, I pulled the trigger.  I spent a miniscule amount next to most, but ordered one of the most important things I probably ever would.  They were coming from Ukraine, which I found endearing considering the current situation, and the shipping window meant I could reliably have them sent to Rabbit's address, and know they would show up while I was there.

And then, the wait.  We knew about them, and I told him about it, which had him exceedingly joyful despite the pain he was in.  I then had the moments where the excitement wore down, and I learned how much that love ebbs and flows as a choice, and one I found myself continuing to happily make rather than simply being attached.  Weeks went on, and then I went off to Rabbit's, wondering still when they would show up.

A few days later, I got notice that they were delayed by a few days.  Worry set in, due to the delivery window.  I didn't want them to show up right after I went home, and have to have them sit until I could get there again.  They shipped on time though, and showed up after only a week, with a surprise on the front step.  I stopped mid-sentence talking to Rabbit to run for the door, and he figured out what I was doing, and ran after me.  I grabbed the package and went into the bedroom to look at it all without disturbance.

There they were.  Two boxes, both from halfway across the world.  One held a pair of earrings, and the other held two rings, all with real forget-me-nots inside them.  They're all simple, and nothing near as ornate as most of the ones you find, but they're beautiful to us.  Luckily, they both fit, and then they get stowed back in the box until I decided to ask.  Which became the next obstacle, in many ways.  We both knew and agreed we wanted to wait before focusing on getting married.  There are plenty of things in both of our lives that we need to get in line before we can move onto the next steps.  I knew that asking, and handing over a ring meant people would immediately ask when things were happening, not to mention not wanting to deal with my parents about it all.

That afternoon, as I thought about it, I realized that it was other people keeping me from giving it to him, rather than what I wanted.  I wanted to show him how happy he makes me.  How much peace and healing he brings to my life.  Specifically, I didn't want to wait for him to heal and be better, because he doesn't only deserve love when things are perfect.  He deserves it all the time, and I'm right beside him through everything, including the difficult moments.

It took a few days for a good moment, but as we were getting ready to go to dinner together, I handed him the box, and we took out the rings.  

Last time I was engaged it was because someone was pushing it on me.  This is the first time I've ever had this thought myself, and I couldn't be more sure of it.  And yes, as he was giddy sending pictures we had to have the same conversation over and over again about how we're not in a rush to be married, and still have life to manage first.

But now I get to be engaged to the man I love, and look forward to a future together, with hopefully half the happiness we've brought to each other in this first year.