The last year wasn't easy, and felt like one thing after another constantly without any rest. What started with dogs and covid, to my first trip out of the country, to strange situations in Rabbit's home, becoming engaged, and so many more things. It's been ups and downs and events of all sorts just getting through the year.
And through the year, there have been so many times that I have been in tears. I have wept and processed and felt more than I remember myself every doing as an adult. It comes with learning how much trauma I hold from my existence this far, and trying to heal from it. As I navigate this relationship, and I wind up in spaces that caused me the trauma and damage in the first place, it hits harder because I have a space where I get to leave survival mode. I get to actually learn about safe and healthy existence, and how caring treatment exists.
At the same time, I have had so much good happen. I have gotten to see more of the world than I ever thought I would. I have felt genuinely welcomed, accepted, and loved. For the first time, there has been someone in my life who I feel a desire to completely share my life with, and who wants to have a family together with myself and Squishy.
The year didn't quite go how I had wanted it to, and it means that the first half of this year will be a lot more work than I had anticipated. I'm prepared for it though, and we both want to try and make the best possible space for our family, and create a home and life that we can thrive in. It's not easy, as things keep flinging themselves into our way, but we'll get there.
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