A New Devious Chapter

It's been insanely cold lately.  We had snow the other night, and it was actually a couple inches of accumulation. I've noticed that the cold affects my mood a lot.  Instead of yearning for the warmth to run through the woods, it makes me just want to stay in.  It makes me miss Lux a lot, and just want some time with him enjoying the quiet bite of winter. I find myself craving teas, and hot cocoa.  To curl up under a ton blankets, with books and movies.  I've been wanting to bake to keep the house warm and cozy.  I want the comfort of time together, and close snuggly happy things that just make the rest of the world sort of pause. And sure, it makes me want to have all form of messy snugglefucks, but most things do. The holidays are done, and the stress from that is gone.  Now I just want to relax and enjoy the beautiful stillness of winter with someone.

While talking to my mother the other day, she said a lot of things that really got under my skin, but one of the things she said was "You know, your father and I just keep hoping you'll find a boy to marry and take care of you and the baby." Now, my parents have been married damn near forever.  My mom was 19 when she got married, and just 18 when she met my dad.  My father is three years older.  It became very apparent to me at some point that a side effect of their marrying young seemed to keep them from maturing psychologically. And her comments on marriage always kind of bother me.  She believes that a couple should go from casually seeing each other to engaged.  I'm talking within a six month span.  That if you're not getting married, it's a waste of a relationship, and that you shouldn't talk to any other guys while you're engaged. Now, I'm the kind of person who doesn't really romanticize marriage the way most people do.  I never ha...

While I never had a terribly large pool of partners at any one time, I've always had a fairly active sex life.  Even in my younger teens, before I started having intercourse, I was fooling around with a few partners several times a week.  I always thought this was normal. I didn't acknowledge the idea of where my sex drive laid out on a scale, because I didn't have female friends to bounce off of, and talking to any guy about it just made them think I wanted to fuck.  So, I figured wanting to have some sort of sexual contact constantly was just how things were for everyone.  In fact, I remember Kitty at one point stating that he never expected me to want to fool around as much as he did, because his sex drive was so high, and wondering what he meant, and that I thought he was normal, due to wanting to fool around as much as I did.  I surprised him further when I told him how often I was hooking up with guys, and he remarked at how while he had significantly mo...

We're expected to have someone.  Dating sites, social networking, online forums; we're all obligated to have a significant other. We have apps designed to pair together people just of appearance alone. These apps throw us together, and we chat once. Well, we don't hate each other, and there is a physical attraction. Dating begins. Facebook official. Selfies making out. Constant communication. Posting of how they are meant to be. Seeing the happiness of everyone. Expecting perfection. Expecting to give up everyone else for the sake of a one week old "serious" relationship. Talking to friends leads to jealous fits. Not instantly replying creates paranoia. Personality clashes because you never took the time to see how you meshed. Thinking you're doomed, because you only see the good in everyone else's lives. I hate what relationships have turned into at this point.  We go from a friend request online, to engaged, to hatefu...

Recently, especially with the beast, I've been realizing how much I enjoy having hand made things.  Whether making them myself, making things for others, or seeing what others create, I love having things made by human hands, with love and energy and history in every fiber and piece.  It makes me think of them, and the skill and talent they have. And being able to pass those things on, makes it all even better.  To have things, and remember seeing them from years ago when they were someone else's and now they've found their way to you, still able to serve some purpose, and bring joy. I love to make things. For myself, or for others.  It's one of the biggest ways that I show affection, and I will run myself ragged making and doing for others, because I want to help them, and do what I can to make their world a better place. And sometimes it's just a doodle. Sometimes it's a plushie. Sometimes clothing. Sometimes a piece of jewelry that leave my hands in...

It's a recurring thing with certain friends of mine that I can't stand, especially being friends with so many guys.  Even Thrax had the same issue, even though he refused to admit it.  And of course, because I'm the more understanding friend, they talk to me about it, thinking I'll just smile and nod and be all about it. For some reason, a large percentage of my male friends tell their girlfriends that they can go and have sex with other girls or "cheat on them" with girls, and it's ok.  But not guys.  They aren't even allowed to talk to other guys. Also that they are trying to convince their girlfriends to find a girlfriend. Without skipping a beat, I always respond with "So, does that mean you're looking for a boyfriend, and are fucking other guys, while not talking to other girls?" To which they say no, of course not, but they think their girlfriend with another girl is hot, so it's ok. COMMENCE ME FLIPPING MY SHIT. Che...

For a few days after Christmas, I went up with Lux to visit his place, and have some time to ourselves.  We had planned to go to the movies, have a ton of sex, be violent, and snuggle with a bunch of movies.  It was going to be some solid time of killing stress, and taking care of all the cravings we'd had over the holidays. Well, we killed stress and snuggled.  There was still some sex, though no where near as much as normal for us, because we were both happy just curled up playing video games, and felt at peace enjoying hanging out together.  Half the movies we wanted to watch fell to the wayside for gaming, and shorter youtube videos, and the desire to simply lounge on the couch cuddled and naked won out to putting on clothes to see what we had planned to out. And it was perfect, honestly.   No real worries of trying to get things done, or scheduling anything.  There wasn't even power exchange other than how we normally wind up handling things, and t...