A New Devious Chapter

Last weekend, I had to sit for my pseudo nephew while his father, who I refer to as an older brother, because he's been in my life since I was born helped my parents with something.  While waiting for a third person to show up, said older brother said I needed to supply anime, and we'd get booze later and have a night to bs. And, it wasn't bad.  I picked out the booze, so nothing weird or gross was there.  You know how most people get drunk, and feel relaxed, or have less inhibition?  Well, I lose motor function and that's it.  I actually get a bit more uptight sometimes because I get frustrated over that lack of physical ability.  I kept texting Lux saying how I don't understand why people enjoy being drunk.  I drink because I enjoy the taste of booze, but for me it's like having a piece of cake.  Every so often I want some, but after a serving, the craving is gone.  Normally, he's used to only seeing me around my parents.  Which mea...

As is appropriate every year on Thanksgiving, the following is a collection of what I am thankful for. * Self awareness, and the ability to learn and grow within myself * The best support structure I've ever had in life, in the form of a fantastic domly dragon, and the return of my wonderful kitty, each of which have their own place in my life which no standard title would ever fit what they are to me * The realization that I am apparently poly, but just really picky.  And apparently should trust my type * Having seen and felt the effects of unbalanced and inconsiderate assholish poly, so that I have a better knowledge of the importance of the care I need to put into those in my life * Adventures, which help me experience new things, and build memories * A talent with the arts that will have me constantly making leaps and strides in my work * The ability to cook, and bake, and an enjoyment in doing so that brings people together * The inspiration to go do and see all sorts ...

Shortly after Lux and I started hanging out, he went through a breakup.  As most somewhat unexpected ends to relationships will do, this left him in an odd mental state, feeling rather reluctant to indulge in the things he experienced in that relationship, and blamed himself, and those things as a part of the break.  A good bulk of these things had to do with power exchange, and sadism, which while sometimes present in our lives together, it's at a very surface level, and just the smallest taste before he needs reassurance that we're both ok, and that no damage has been done. Given that I was also fresh off the breakup with Thrax, this left me in no mood to be submissive, and so I was fine with the lack of power exchange, and happy to build a solid egalitarian friendship to see where it evolved.  As time went on though, accidental dynamics occurred, and became more prevalent.  We acknowledged their existence, and while he would tell me he craved power exchange, and ...

While Kitty and I were having dinner together, I explained my friendship with Zero.  About how he's a very natural beta type personality, and sees me as his alpha, which is why I'm usually the person with him when he tries going somewhere.  Kitty remarked that he doesn't see me as an alpha type, because I've always acted as a sidekick in his eyes. And with him, yes, I've always been there right next to him helping.  I'm an extra set of hands, because he is motivated, and driven, but sometimes needs that unspoken coordination of a well oiled machine. I strive not to be the alpha who simply marches around wanting to be in charge, but rather one that does what is necessary to build up, and inspire those I care about.  It's not a matter of power exchange, although that can become part of it, but rather a small part of the service which shows that I care about someone. Lux needs someone who can make decisions sometimes.  Someone who will kick him in the butt, ...

Long ago, back in my teenage years I was pretty self aware, though less than I am now.  More of a sociopath, without the proper channeling, used it often as a weapon rather than an aid. I dated a few boys in my teens, and none of them lasted very long.  To be honest, I would tell myself that I'd been single for a while, and find a boy to date to shut everyone up.  These were boys I had very little attachment to, and hadn't really been friends with beforehand.  After a few weeks, they'd be gone, usually because they couldn't understand how cold and overly logical I tend to be. And through all but my first boyfriend, Kitty was there.  He was my best friend through it all, and I've felt the exact same about him since I was 16.  Often, when people would see he and I out together, they'd ask if we were dating, or something similar.  I'd laugh, say that he has a girlfriend at home, I have a boyfriend, but that he was way more important.  We wouldn't f...

Last weekend was my first time seeing Kitty in far too many years.  And it was probably something close to being out of a storybook.  We were best friends that were a hair away from a very serious relationship for reasons on both sides.  We were the support structure for each other, and even though we'd bash heads once in a while, it was because we simply hadn't learned to communicate properly with each other, and shortly after, we'd be back to our snuggly giggly normal. Falling back into what had so naturally was almost surreal.  Like time apart didn't matter, and even though we had these experiences without the other there, it didn't affect us at all.  The only difference I noticed was us not holding hands constantly, but we took every possible chance to snuggle and hug and have all the little affectionate touches that help us both. While we threw around a bunch of ideas of things to do, we wound up wandering Philly, babbling about random things, and going r...

The weekend of Halloween was hectic to say the least.  While at the beast's parade at school, my mother tripped on the blacktop, and wound up breaking her wrist.  Which means I've had to take over everything for a house where I'm treated like complete shit. Now, it's rather obvious that for me service is a form of affection.  It's how I show I care, and it comes naturally, and near effortlessly for those I'm close to. For environments like the one I live in aren't the case for this though.  It's psychologically similar to having to fuck a stranger at gunpoint on camera while being ordered about the whole time if the person were vanilla.  And while that sounds dramatic, it's honest. Luckily, I hade Lux here over the weekend, who provided me much needed snuggles the entire time he was here.  He could tell how off I was, and kept being sure to hug me and make me smile.  It was such a tremendous help, and without him there, I would have been a total m...