A New Devious Chapter

Lux and I have been talking a lot about power exchange lately, and at one point I talked about how I could do heavy elaborate exchange in the short term, but probably not for more than the occasional day, just because I am the type that when I set myself up to do something, I want to get it done before moving onto something else, including things asked of me by others.  Lux responded by saying that he tries not to push asking things of me in our exchange, because of my general "Fuck everyone" MO.  And yes, most of the time when people expect me to obey, give them control, or just let them have say over me, I tell them to fuck off and kick their ass.  For a very long time in my life, I had people trying to change who I am, or control how I do things, or just expecting me to be submissive regardless of who I am, because I'm tiny and female bodied. Lux's response to everything though is always for me to be me.  If I were to ever do anything outside of what he know...

Many of us around here often joke that Oliver is fat.  He's not, but to keep my mom from completely overfeeding him, we make the jokes, but don't put much behind it. Anyway, one day while making these jokes, my mom responded "Yea, well, I give him so much because I love him" And I had to choke down yelling at her.  That feeding him piles of things he shouldn't have isn't love.  That ignoring what he needs when he's saying so, encouraging poor behavior, and barely spending any actual time with him isn't love.  It's selfish convenience.  Like when she buys clothes for Squishy that she doesn't like, but then tries to force Squishy to wear them just because she likes them.  It's not love.  It's again being selfish, and incredibly inconsiderate. Love is taking on compromise.  It's doing things you don't always want to do (in a healthy way of course) in order to take care of people when they need it.  It's considering them...

This week is madness, but in so many good ways. On Tuesday, we had to take the pup back to the shelter.  When we first got him, he was heartworm positive, and so the shelter wouldn't adopt him out fully until he was done with treatment.  That meant that he was only considered a foster for the several months he stayed with us until this point.  In many ways, that was good, because had he not worked out, we could return him, without breaking any contracts, or having paid for him. Well, he took the ride to the shelter, got a quick test, and he's heartworm negative.  The people at the shelter very nearly forgot that we needed to actually pay for and sign for him to be fully adopted until we had asked them about it.  A short wait later, and some paperwork done, and he's now officially no longer a shelter dog, and has a home for what might be the first time in his life.  He's snuggled up with my butt right now, so I'm pretty sure he's happy here. Lux is tak...

Last weekend was Mother's Day, and was way different from the last many of them.  Not to say it magically became amazing, but broke up a good lot of our routine. My parents didn't go off to the cemetery this year, due to the rain, and instead opting to go on my grandma's birthday at the end of the month.  Also, rather than our normal bbq where the menfolk are supposed to make everything but we wind up doing most of the work, we decided to make a giant prime rib and a ton of other food ourselves.  Wound up being much better food, and we didn't have to wait for anyone. A lot of things have been breaking around the house, but nothing that wasn't a simple fix.  I realized I only have a couple of sketches left for two new coloring books, which means mostly just inking and then all the formatting shit.  These are definitely going a lot faster, and I'm so happy about that. There are a lot of other little things I'm making and working on an organizing, and...

This week has been a collection of having people feel like they in a downturn.  I spoke with Kitty Sunday night, and when I reminded him of his age (he forgot how old he is) it triggered thoughts of how he hasn't been making the same strides he was professionally, and how his current job has been nowhere near the situation he thought it would be.  That with the choices he's made, he doesn't know if life will even give him the chance to make that professional growth any longer, and feeling like he's burning out.  He's also been dealing with not being able to enjoy his hobbies due to his shoulder turning borked, and a ton of other things that I don't agree with much and have tried to voice. Lux is dealing with his work crumbling apart, and trying to find a new gig.  He's picking up the work of a ton of people in the meantime, and feeling frustrated, and like he can't really live up to everyone else.  This while juggling things with family, and attempt ...

Lux and I talked a lot about the dangers of many people in the scene, and our fears bringing people in, and the risks we take.  We spoke about how he doesn't know how he'd react to someone accusing him of something he didn't do, or blowing a situation up way beyond the truth. I laughed, and said that I'd go ahead and step in and handle in.  While he found it amusing, and hopefully as something supportive, he said that he didn't need me fighting all his battles.  And while yes, I do let him handle and learn a lot of things for himself, I'm going to be supportive where I can, and in those situations where he is backed into a corner, I'm not going to stop myself from setting things straight.  I'm far too overprotective to let him get hurt and not do anything about it. To which we talked about how I've already proven that.  That he was accused of something by someone absolutely unsafe, after I had been told even more conflicting statements.  He was...

Remember how I said the other day that I only really cared about what other people thought about my appearance for a short time in my life?  Well, that is true, and when it comes down to it, I don't really care all of that much, and mostly just focus on making me feel like me. That however, doesn't mean I don't like the input from close people for outside perspective. While Lux was visiting, we were out to breakfast, and he mentioned that my makeup one day didn't look as good on my skin as the day before.  I agreed, that the product I used that day matched my ghostliness better, but had a worse finish than some other ones I have. He felt a bit trapped while talking about it, not wanting to say the wrong thing, and I totally understand that.  It's a bit of an easy way to throw yourself into a hole when on the subject, and much harder to dig out of it. Then he said something that would have most women screaming.  He said "I honestly don't think you ne...