A New Devious Chapter

Last weekend Lux came to visit after spending the holiday with his parents.  And it couldn't have come at a better time.  We've both been at our limits with other people, and needed time to just enjoy each other. Up until a few days before, I didn't even know if he'd be visiting.  His parents have been wonky about him spending time with me for some really weird reasons, and it has caused him to have to do things he doesn't want to in order to keep the peace with them.  A part of me was really afraid that he'd opt for the entire time with them just to make them happy. And, when the weekend came, I thought they were playing games to keep him there, and from seeing me.  Not giving him an answer of whether they needed him to do anything, and stopping him from leaving.  Luckily, he's so much better than that, and made it over early in the afternoon, fried with them, and ready to relax with me for a day and let off some steam.  He apparently put his foot down ab

I have no problem at this point saying that Thrax was abusive, neglectful, and an all around asshat.  He would constantly tell me how he wanted to play with, and fuck other girls, then tell me I wanted too much sex and play.  And by too much, it meant any at all.  We almost completely stopped playing once we were actually dating, and even though I would ask, and express interest, without it being constant, he would constantly make excuses, and tell me I was being irritating.  Every so often to shut me up, he would throw my cuffs on me, and do something outside of out broken record of sex, which usually just meant me bending over the bed instead of being on top. Needless to say, this had me feeling more undesirable than usual, neglected, and lonely.  I felt like shit in regards to how he wanted to play with everyone else but me. I mentioned last week about how Lux has had trouble kicking himself in the ass enough to quit hiding from play.  It'd been a really long time since we'

Last weekend, I had to sit for my pseudo nephew while his father, who I refer to as an older brother, because he's been in my life since I was born helped my parents with something.  While waiting for a third person to show up, said older brother said I needed to supply anime, and we'd get booze later and have a night to bs. And, it wasn't bad.  I picked out the booze, so nothing weird or gross was there.  You know how most people get drunk, and feel relaxed, or have less inhibition?  Well, I lose motor function and that's it.  I actually get a bit more uptight sometimes because I get frustrated over that lack of physical ability.  I kept texting Lux saying how I don't understand why people enjoy being drunk.  I drink because I enjoy the taste of booze, but for me it's like having a piece of cake.  Every so often I want some, but after a serving, the craving is gone.  Normally, he's used to only seeing me around my parents.  Which means I'm censoring

As is appropriate every year on Thanksgiving, the following is a collection of what I am thankful for. * Self awareness, and the ability to learn and grow within myself * The best support structure I've ever had in life, in the form of a fantastic domly dragon, and the return of my wonderful kitty, each of which have their own place in my life which no standard title would ever fit what they are to me * The realization that I am apparently poly, but just really picky.  And apparently should trust my type * Having seen and felt the effects of unbalanced and inconsiderate assholish poly, so that I have a better knowledge of the importance of the care I need to put into those in my life * Adventures, which help me experience new things, and build memories * A talent with the arts that will have me constantly making leaps and strides in my work * The ability to cook, and bake, and an enjoyment in doing so that brings people together * The inspiration to go do and see all sorts

Shortly after Lux and I started hanging out, he went through a breakup.  As most somewhat unexpected ends to relationships will do, this left him in an odd mental state, feeling rather reluctant to indulge in the things he experienced in that relationship, and blamed himself, and those things as a part of the break.  A good bulk of these things had to do with power exchange, and sadism, which while sometimes present in our lives together, it's at a very surface level, and just the smallest taste before he needs reassurance that we're both ok, and that no damage has been done. Given that I was also fresh off the breakup with Thrax, this left me in no mood to be submissive, and so I was fine with the lack of power exchange, and happy to build a solid egalitarian friendship to see where it evolved.  As time went on though, accidental dynamics occurred, and became more prevalent.  We acknowledged their existence, and while he would tell me he craved power exchange, and spoke of it

While Kitty and I were having dinner together, I explained my friendship with Zero.  About how he's a very natural beta type personality, and sees me as his alpha, which is why I'm usually the person with him when he tries going somewhere.  Kitty remarked that he doesn't see me as an alpha type, because I've always acted as a sidekick in his eyes. And with him, yes, I've always been there right next to him helping.  I'm an extra set of hands, because he is motivated, and driven, but sometimes needs that unspoken coordination of a well oiled machine. I strive not to be the alpha who simply marches around wanting to be in charge, but rather one that does what is necessary to build up, and inspire those I care about.  It's not a matter of power exchange, although that can become part of it, but rather a small part of the service which shows that I care about someone. Lux needs someone who can make decisions sometimes.  Someone who will kick him in the butt,

Long ago, back in my teenage years I was pretty self aware, though less than I am now.  More of a sociopath, without the proper channeling, used it often as a weapon rather than an aid. I dated a few boys in my teens, and none of them lasted very long.  To be honest, I would tell myself that I'd been single for a while, and find a boy to date to shut everyone up.  These were boys I had very little attachment to, and hadn't really been friends with beforehand.  After a few weeks, they'd be gone, usually because they couldn't understand how cold and overly logical I tend to be. And through all but my first boyfriend, Kitty was there.  He was my best friend through it all, and I've felt the exact same about him since I was 16.  Often, when people would see he and I out together, they'd ask if we were dating, or something similar.  I'd laugh, say that he has a girlfriend at home, I have a boyfriend, but that he was way more important.  We wouldn't fool aro